


SOMNIUM

by angrybirdcr



Series: SOMNIUM [1]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Drama, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Anxiety Disorder, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Torture, Major Character Injury, Major Original Character(s), Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, SOMNIUM
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:53:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 30,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24047734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angrybirdcr/pseuds/angrybirdcr
Summary: It was very simple. Your mission was to welcome back to life the man that was trapped on ice for almost 70 years and to help him to adapt to modern society for him to become part of the Avengers Initiative. But, what happens when not only you are falling hard for him but you also discover that your life is mysteriously linked to him and another Earth’s Mightiest Hero’s past and you end up opening Pandora’s Box? A dangerous quest ensues; a dark dreadful past left you an unbeknownst legacy that will have unforeseen consequences for everyone involved…Will he wake up from his daze, about his lost past, or will it be too late again? A new hero will be born and burn, and this is their story…
Relationships: Steve Rogers & OFC, Steve Rogers & Reader, Steve Rogers/OFC, Steve Rogers/Original Female Character, Steve Rogers/Reader, steve rogers & original female character
Series: SOMNIUM [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1734736
Kudos: 5





	1. The Awakening of a Legend (PROLOGUE)

**Author's Note:**

> This is a multiple chapters series. A Steve Rogers X Female OFC "E.Rose Wexler" story wrote in a self-insert mode. OFC face claim as Colombian actress Carmen Villalobos. 
> 
> Somnium (noun): A dream: the dreaming state; the semiconscious state between sleeping and waking.  
> SERIES THEME SONG: Whatever It Takes by Imagine Dragons
> 
> **DISCLAIMER: I don’t own any rights on Steve Rogers/Captain America character or any other Marvel characters. I only own the rights to my own original characters (OFC). This is for entertainment purposes only.**
> 
> **I am not a professional paid writer but Please DO NOT post any of my works on any other platform or site without my express written consent. But please feel free to like and/or to comment. Thank You!**

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (PROLOGUE)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOUNDTRACK:  
> (Theme Song) Whatever It Takes – Imagine Dragons  
> (Chapter Song) Never Going Back - The Score

The dim light barely lit your slapdash strokes on the keyboard, the infernal heat of the filthy windowless hole burning you right through your skintight black suit, a drop of sweat falling down your cheek, as you rushed to gather what you needed…85%…92%…100%!… You snatched the device from the laptop, securing it on you, making your way out. Just a few steps down the dark hall, you come to a halt at the sound of guns being drawn out, right then the unavoidable confrontation breaks out. The previously quiet warehouse now filled with gunfire and in-distinctive shouting in the background; out of the blue a flashback sends a shiver down your spine, you feel every red cell of your body turn cold at the inside playback of the frightening image of the brown eyed man’s bloodied face…You freeze…no one sees you but you freeze, you can’t move, you can’t breathe, you gasp for air as a single tear streams down your face, you hear them getting closer and closer, by the minute…They are breathing right on your neck, finally a thwack around the corner snaps you out of your haze, letting out a deep sigh. You fall to your knees while calling your back-up with a cracked voice through the comms:

“STRIKE TEAM, on position now!”

“Roger that B!” It’s the last you heard from your team before you fought your way out… a flying kick…a punch… thugs falling unconscious at your feet, one after the other. A blind hit from behind made you momentarily lose your balance, the red warm liquid running down your face, your quick reflexes dodging a second incoming blow and just in one swift move you incapacitated your opponent. A loud click followed by a recognizable small and round metallic device landing a few feet away from you… you ran away as fast as you could before being thrown into the air by the blast…

…Fire… Smoke… Heavy eyelids, a throbbing pain in your head and a loud ringing on your ears, thick dust filling your nose and lungs…You slowly opened your eyes as you tried to get a hold of what happened, everything coming back to you in a flash: a grenade, an explosion, darkness…You dizzily crawled out from the rubble, hearing the known male voice calling out your name…

“WEX!” The tall man said grabbing you by the waist. “Thought we lost you for a sec there!” A worried expression over his face

“You are not getting rid of me that easy Brock!” You said with a chuckle as you WALKED off…

*** *** ***  
A few hours later you were back at Triskelion. Despite the unexpected turn of events, you were still able to call it a successful mission, there were no casualties on your end and theirs were simply dubbed as “collateral damage”. Officially you were never there, off the record the amount of recovered data surpassed what you originally thought that had fallen into their hands. Paperwork turned out to be a real pain in the ass, your name written all over it almost like an odd synonym of recklessness and cleverness, but nonetheless another well-executed assignment on your almost impeccable record.

Just a few scratches and the need of an ice pack, that’s all it left you. An average human would have probably required a few stitches and a night on observation but your inexplicable incredibly fast healing process was anything but average, up until this day it was described to you as an “unusual medical occurrence”. Not that anything of your life was ordinary, you were, after all, the one that grievously outlived her parents since a very young age. You had grown as none other than Nick Fury’s enigmatic protégée, a privilege that you never took advantage of. Your remarkable skills, your diplomatic ability dealing with crisis and your always polite way of treating others, were what earned you the unspoken respect from everyone that crossed your path.

However, what would be considered as a jackpot for others, for you it remained a dark puzzle that you could only hope to solve one day. Days like today, triggered the monsters hiding in your closet and the unbearable weight of regret ripped your rib cage open and pulled your heart out of your chest. You stood under the shower rain with shaking hands, letting the water wash off the sticky blend of dirt, blood and sweat of you, you stared down at the reddish brown liquid stirring down the drain as your tremors subsided. You allowed yourself to feel it, slowly sliding down the tiled wall as the sobs overpowered you… you missed them but you also missed HIM… You eventually crashed on bed and drifted off to sleep for a good 2 hours before abruptly jerking up at dawn…the grim nightmares came back in full force, hunting you down like a hungry ghost…

—– * ———–* ——

You walked into the empty gym with a distraught look on your face and without losing any time you wrapped your hands. Memories of the innocence of the sweet girl being torn from her with blood and tears… that dreadful fall of 1995 invading your core again like a never ending plague…

*** *** ***  
You looked at the window, the beautiful mixed colors of orange and yellow on the trees’ leaves announcing the fall was finally here. The slightly cold breeze that made its way in through the cracks, giving you the goosebumps. Completely ignoring the feeling and hearing your mother calling you, you ran downstairs only to be met with your worst nightmare, the day you never wanted to arrive was finally there. Your father stood in the middle of the room, with a fearful look on his face while tightly hugging your crying mother; dressed on his old NAVY SEAL uniform, the same one that he swore he would never wear again unless something has gone terribly wrong…

*** *** ***  
ONE… TWO… THREE… You threw one punch after the other… FOUR… FIVE…SIX…

*** *** ***  
“Rose, don’t trust in anyone. Whatever they say to you about us don’t believe them. You know what to do. Go inside, take cover and give this to Nick, no one else but him. Do you understand?” He said with tears on his eyes while handing you the small metallic device.

“Dad, what’s going on? Who’s coming?” You asked “It doesn’t matter. Whatever it takes, take your stand my love. Can you promise me that?” He begged you. “Rose?” He called your name again.

“Yes, daddy. I promise” With that he hugged you before he pushed you inside the hidden panic room…

*** *** ***  
One…Two…Three… You threw one kick after the other…Four…Five…Six

*** *** ***  
The adults’ voices were heard talking before the loud popping sound of guns, kicks, falling objects and broken glass echoed through the house… At that moment something switched inside you […] sitting on the farthest corner of the room, right next to the embedded speaker… an unforgettable scream roamed on the small enclosure: the distinctive voice of your father… Right then, you knew…

“NOOOOO…. PLEASE NOOO!!!” You yelled at the top of your lungs as you hit the metallic walls as hard as you could until the red dripping liquid covered your hands… “Don’t trust in anyone”, those words struck you on repeat. The following silence declaring the time was up. You exited the room crying, kneeling next to their bodies, you hugged them… your hoodie soaking up with their still hot blood on, not caring at all about the tiny pieces of glass cutting through your jeans straight into your knees, you cried your lungs out as if there was no tomorrow…

*** *** ***  
“Rose…” Someone called your name, but you didn’t seem to get out of your daze as you continued to discharge your anger and frustration of the burning memories, aching fists furiously aimed at the punching bag with all of your strength until it snapped falling to the floor. The steam felt good, it was what you needed, all the emotional pain being washed away and replaced by the burn of your muscles tightening at the strenuous workout…

“WEXLER!” The male voice called loudly again.

“NICK! I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you!” You answered startled wiping up your face. None other than Nick Fury…

“Of course you didn’t! You were too damn busy rendering yet another perfect punching bag to the useless category!” He said unamused

“Yeah… ‘Bout that, deduct it from my paycheck, would ya?” You said with a smirk

“Do you hear yourself?” The deep voice and change on his demeanor warned you that he was anything but happy. “This…” He said pointing at the mess left on the mat. “As far as I know, It only happens for one of two reasons, the last mission, minus your brief stunt, went well so it ain’t that” He said staring keenly at you “What made you do it this time? Is it about Prague…? Or is it ‘95 again?” Your heart clenched at the mention of those words. The bewilderment written all over you forcibly giving you away.

“Please, don´t…” You mumbled while rearranging the equipment. “Let’s not talk about He-” You stopped mid-sentence “-Prague” you corrected yourself “…or that” You slurred the words eluding his stare

“You hesitated… And I’m not talking about your words just now.” He paused “Rumlow… he ratted you out, he said you sounded off at the comms. You might have not added it to the report but something happened out there…Didn’t it?” His hardened expression and typical hands-on-his hips stance only wrecking up your nerves even more

“How would you know that?” You chewed on your lip looking intently at him while mirroring his pose.

“I’ve known you for what? 20 years already? Isn’t that long enough to get to know someone inside and out? ” You sheepishly turned to him in sign of defeat. He was right, you could keep secrets better than anyone on the world could, some things, he would never know and were only yours to keep but no words were needed to come out of your mouth for him to read your emotional state like an open book and you hated it. “You had enough time to call STRIKE in, but you didn’t… until the end. Whatever that was, has it happened before?” You gulped prior muttering an almost inaudible “No” that he groaned at.

“Whether it’s about Levinson, ’95 or anything else… For everyone’s sake, especially yours, it better not happen again.” He cleared his throat “Look, I won’t give you a dumbass speech about survivor’s guilt…but you know that there was nothing that you could do. You were just a kid, both times…” He said dragging the last two words. “Stop beating yourself up for it!” He meant it “You know what I’ve told you about it! Talk to someone! Not necessarily me but someone! I didn’t spend my life hiding you away and training you just for you to start turning every perfect piece of gym equipment down to shreds out of despair for an unresolved trauma!”

“Hey! Punching bags, yes I recognize… But that’s it!” You said trying to feign indignation at his words “Plus, you know much I hate to sit down for an hour to talk about my screwed up childhood to a stranger that has no idea about it… It won´t change a thing…” A flash of gloom briefly peeking on your eyes, as you caressed the fading marks on your wrist almost imperceptibly before shaking the feelings to one side “Not to mention that emotions are not my forte…Besides, I’m an extremely busy person who, by the way, just had a really rough week so I needed a well-deserved work out” You exhaled in clear protest at the direction that the conversation was going to…

“You know that I’m fine with you dealing with your demons however the hell you deem right, I always have. As long as you don’t lose your shit on the field and zone out like you do here. I…hate…funerals…” Despite his poker face, the last words at the end of the sentence betrayed him, revealing his genuine concern.

“Don’t worry! Furthermore, I’ll be fine…It’ll take more than a shitty memory to get me off my game, much less to get me killed…It doesn’t mean I won’t take it out at the gym though…But, let’s raincheck on the pep talk for now. You never come down here anyways, so cut the chase…” You finished, doing your best to get your head back on the game.

“We are definitely not done talking about this, so I’ll take your word on that! We need you” He finally blurted out

“No problem, I’m here. When do I leave?” You inquired looking like a soldier reporting for duty

“WE leave in an hour, we’re headed to New York” He said emphasizing the “WE” at the beginning.

“I like New York…there’s something about the lights at night…what’s the mission?”

“We have successfully found The First Avenger…” You looked incredulously at him

“Wait, are you talking about Captain America? You found THE Steve Rogers?!” You said with a disbelief frown

“We did. We recovered his body from the Arctic. They said he was alive” He emotionlessly disclosed to you

“How’s that possible?” ‘That´s the million dollar question’ You thought.

“Suspended Animation… The ice worked like a cryogenic chamber… Doctors are working on him as we speak”

“Ok, so if that’s the case and although I can take a look… I’m not really that kind of doctor, you know that. But I must admit I’d be more than fascinated to take a look at that specimen, you know for mere scientific purposes…” You smirked causing him to slightly chuckle at it

“We’ve got the medical AND scientific part covered already. Your mission is to be there when he wakes up to welcome him back to our time and to help him to adapt to our modern society. Last thing he’ll remember, if he wakes up in his right mind, it’ll probably be fighting Nazis in WW2, listening to Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra or watching Casablanca! He’s gonna need a lot of help to catch up fast and steady”

“WOW!” You let out with eyes wide open “You know I grew up with first-hand insider knowledge about him… guy’s name was a holy grail in my family…I think this is a high honor, once in a lifetime chance kind of thing and not that I’m complaining about it or anything but why me exactly?” You babbled a little bit over enthusiastic.

“Because we need someone with both, the knowledge AND the experience, to monitor him up close and it has to be someone that I can trust to do so. Only you fit that profile” He somehow proudly said

“Woah… I can’t believe this…” You blankly said

“What? That he’s alive after 66 years?” He furrowed his brows “We couldn’t believe it either at first…”

“No… the fact that you just referred to it as “to monitor him up”…those EXACT words. You are bringing me into this shit because he is still considered just “The super soldier”, government property, instead of just Steve Rogers, isn’t he?” You angrily snapped at him, taking him aback “Back then, he was firstly treated like a lab rat, to then impose him their own selfish agenda until HE decided to throw everything to hell and to do things on his own, saving hundreds of lives in the process… He didn’t get a life before falling into the Arctic and now you want to check if he’s not “damaged” to continue to exploit him” You shot back with a fire-eyed grimace

“You seem to have an awful lot to say about it for someone that didn’t personally know him” He said with an authoritarian tone

“I didn’t have to… you perfectly know how much intel I’ve got…I’ve read his personal file, not the fairytale-like one available to everyone with access to a museum but the real private one with big red CLASSIFIED letters on it that you were trying so damn hard to hide… Plus, Dad passed on me EVERYTHING that he knew. Believe me, he never sugar coated a single thing for me, ‘Steven Grant Rogers’ story wasn’t one of them.” You let out with your arms crossed, starting to feel the frustration and anxiety building up on your insides

“You know damn well that if your father would still be alive he’d have spent his days at the RAFT on that fact alone…And second, it’s from public knowledge that Rogers signed up voluntarily into the Project Rebirth, nobody forced him to. So, what the fuck are you babbling about?” He spat out

“Oh, please! Are you kidding me right now? The documented reports, the first-hand accounts from Agent Carter and Mr. Stark, the safeguarded evidence… all of it!” You lashed out at his blatantness “Dr.Erskine’s vision went much further than anyone could have ever imagined, further than what the SSR made him do on a stage… Sometimes I still question myself why I am here despite knowing all of that…” You bitterly sighed dropping your head down

“You are with us because you know it’s the right thing to do. Your parents believed on it and you want to honor their memory. Isn’t that why you asked me to help you to become one of the best agents that SHIELD has ever seen?” At this point, he was clearly playing dirty by using reverse psychology on you, and you saw right through him

“I did… And I know where my heart lies down and what my intentions are but it doesn’t mean I will never question yours…my father taught me “loyalty lies within the truth and what is right and not with the men telling their own version of it while hiding behind a badge” SHIELD is that badge…Never forget that Nick.” You said with sheer determination on your eyes

“You wise brat, I told you to stop that philosophical shit, didn’t I?” You both relax at his remark.

“When did I obey you 100%? Look, I really don’t want to bitch you about this… it’s just that…don’t ask me why but the moment the words “The First Avenger” left your lips my almost infallible gut jumped telling me that getting myself involved on this will be great for some but some kind of personal doom to me…” You confess with worry showing on your crystal clear eyes. “I’ll trust you on this one F. I’ll go with you but you have to promise me something” You said pointing at him

“You know you are the only one that can get away with anything…Do tell” He replied with utter confidence

“You’ll let me do this my way: no rules, no meddling, no “compartmentalized” missions involving mine or his name, full access to resources and back-up, no questions asked. If I do this, then it’s off the grid, I’ll only answer to you. If Rogers wakes up and he’s well and about, then the world gets to know the legend is alive. I’ll make sure he’s ready for the Initiative BUT you’ll bury whatever project you had in mind with him…” You firmly spread yours cards on the table.

“What project? If you are talking about the super soldier serum, you fucking know how that shit recently turned up at Harlem, I certainly got no intentions at all to bring another Hulk into the world…”

“I wasn’t talking about that…I’m a trained spy Fury, so cut the bullshit… I don’t even care what you had in mind with Rogers or whatever it is that is related with him, you´ll just shut it down and you better do it fast before I find out about it… You keep secrets from me but so do I…I hold you on high regards but don’t push your luck on me. You know very well how the last attempt at it ended up…” You defiantly looked back at him “So, If this goes well and if Rogers is fit for duty, you WILL let him choose whether he wants to be part of us or not. It MUST be his choice.” With an upright stance your steely eyes pierced his.

“You know that I can’t do that”

“Yes, you can. Because you know that I’m not afraid to go on a rampage and YOU Sir, you are SHIELD’s DIRECTOR NICK FURY!…” You said poking your finger at him. “…the council respects you. You dealt with Stark impeccably and Banner was “handled”. Plus they need us, they can’t afford to lose not one but two valuable assets”. Any hint of previous hesitation was now replaced by deep conviction

“Did you just fucking threaten me to quit if I say no to that?” You chuckled at his startled expression

“I don’t like the word “threat” I prefer the word “warning” but technically yes, that’s exactly what I just did. I don´t want to sound a narcissist about it but you said it yourself, there’s only one person that fits the profile, to which honestly I don’t know if I should feel flattered or freaked out at. You definitely need to work on your trust issues around your staff…” You mumbled, somehow in a bit of mocking tone, to Fury, before returning to your characteristic poise “Anyways, there are a thousand different ways that this could go wrong, all of them leading to him becoming a liability, you know that and that’s why you reached out to “moi”. Despite that, I’m unquestionably stepping in. But I’m not willingly lending myself as a puppet so that they can pull my strings at their will, I never did and I will never will. I’m definitely not bending my knee on this one” You emphasized the words with a commanding voice and fearless grin.

“Needless to say…you are a real pain in the ass! Aren’t you?” He said with a stare

“I am! But you love me all the way for it… Plus, I’m sure that if you came to ME it wasn’t due to my so-called insight or my prowess, but because you knew that I’d truly care about this, more than any other agent would. And of course that the council didn’t oppose to your call…even they know to trust my judgement” You boldly said with a smile as you put your hands up on the air

“God save me! …Ok, you’ll have your wish, this one is on you. You know that if this goes awry there will be consequences that not even myself would be able to duck for you…you could end up your career sooner than expected” He said with a stern look

“I’m well aware of that and I’m ok with it. Not every day you get to work with a legend, so if that is going to be the end of my career, then so be it, I couldn’t ask for a better ending…this will be my legacy. I know dad would stand by me and be proud for it, that it’s more than enough of a reward for me” Fearlessness and resoluteness marking every word you said

“As hell he would… So do I” Fury said walking out the door. “Wex?!…Don’t break anything else while you’re on it. Would ya?” He said turning around as you let out a loud good belly laugh

The tension might have filled the air for a while but there was no denying that your relationship with him went beyond any professional disagreement that came alongside the way. That tough man that everyone feared had a soft spot only known to a very few. You were pretty sure that you were on that list, being the closest thing he had to a family, a fact widely known but the depth of the circumstances that led to that remained a tight-lipped story to the rest of the world. The heavens help you, this definitely ought to be an interesting mission…

—– * ———–* ——

Were you awake? Or Was this a dream? The bubbling emotions inside your chest were wildly spiraling out of control, the always poised and calmed agent feeling her heart coming out of her mouth? You tried to keep your cool and to reclaim your breath back focusing on the tablet you held on your hand, you continued swiping the endless files and pictures you received, medical reports and charts, taking in as much as possible until you recognized the man standing ahead of you…

“COLZ!” You greeted Phil, hugging him “It’s so good to see you!” A sincere smile forming on your lips.

“Wexie! It’s been too long indeed. I heard about the havoc you caused, you ok?”

“Ah! That infamous event! Sure thing, you know, typical occupational hazards!”

“Right…” He chuckled “I knew you would come… Did you get the files?”

“I did. Just finished reading them on my way here.”

“Good. I usually don’t ask these things but…Rumor has it, Fury had a showdown with the council about “The Handler” ’s terms to take this mission. Not that your name was ever mentioned, but you are the one standing next to me… So, is it true?” You couldn’t avoid to crack up at his gossipy query

“That’s low! Even for you Colz!” You both laughed “In between us, it’s true… I’m never gonna follow. Just because they say so”

“I thought so… Are you ready to see him?” The mood shifted as the words were said, you soaked in the tension lingering on the air as you followed him. You whimpered as your heart suddenly accelerated feeling your mind, once again, swerve off. The lovely image of your parents smiling and hugging you in the garden creepily overlapping with the memory, somewhere along the lines, of everything that they taught you about the man that you were about to meet, your own research included, popping up in a single mental slideshow. You couldn’t stop wondering what could have possibly be so special about him to have been deserving of such adoration from them up to the point of leaving you behind a very unconventional “keepsakes box” filled with all kinds of information, an eerie mix of official government documentation and fan memorabilia, which it was all slowly tattooed straight into your core. It wasn’t mere appreciation or fanaticism, it was fondness and homage, a gratefulness beyond your understanding. Whatever it was, you could undeniably feel it on every fiber of your being, you’d soon figure it out.

“We are here” He said swiping his card in leading the way. The bone-chilling air of the bright room giving you a shudder as you inhaled the sterile smell on the atmosphere. You took a step closer to the glass wall and you saw HIM, the tall blonde man laid down in front of you, the air of your lungs being punched out of you…


	2. The Awakening of a Legend (PART 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wex’s first encounter with Steve goes down as it could be expected. Will she be able to make the Super Soldier trust her enough to stay? Or will he push her away?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOUNDTRACK:  
> (Theme Song) Whatever It Takes – Imagine Dragons  
> (Chapter Song) Second Chances- Imagine Dragons
> 
> PREVIOUSLY:
> 
> “We are here” He said swiping his card in leading the way. The bone-chilling air of the bright room giving you a shudder as you inhaled the sterile smell on the atmosphere. You took a step closer to the glass wall and you saw HIM, the tall blonde man laid down in front of you, the air of your lungs being punched out of you…

Your eyes fixated on the scene in front of you. The man laid down unconscious with wires connected all over him, an IV, an oxygen line, machines beeping around him…

“Quite the dazzler, isn’t he?” Phil asked you, as you hummed getting out of your daze “I made the exact same face when I saw him for the first time too. It’s kind of hard to miss…” You sighed, shaking the feelings off.

“It’s not that… I mean yeah, the man is definitely a sight for sore eyes” You smirked “but it’s just that…you know what? Never mind…” You cleared your throat

“Of course.” He interjected “I thought Fury came with you?” He looked at you with arms crossed

“He did! He’s got caught up with some ‘logistics’ but he should catch up with us later…But this…this it’s incredible… His reports? His ABG test showed normal pH and oxygen levels. All analyses, electrocardiogram, renal and liver function…they all came back perfect. It’s like nothing ever happened!”

“I guess the serum did its job really good”

“It most certainly did. But there’s something that is bugging me beyond his physical exams. I’d like to speak with the head doctor directly, to hear what he’s got to say about it, by myself if it’s ok”

“Sure. You are the boss, remember?” He said pushing the crystal doors for you, which you thanked him

“Dr. Rawlings!” You called the man up “I’m Agent Wexler. Nice to meet you.”

“The pleasure is mine!” You smiled shaking hands

“We’ve heard lot about you.”

“Only good things I hope! So, I was put up to speed in short notice, I’ve seen his impressive tests and lab results but I’d like to hear it from you. What’s Captain Rogers’ real prognosis?”

“We managed to bring up his temperature through a central line, once he was stable we ran every possible test that we could do, you named it and it has been done. He is extraordinary!” He enthusiastically said

“Surely, but what about his brain activity? Is he going to wake up?”

“His electroencephalogram came back clean too. His neural functions seem to be working as well as expected. There´s no factual reason to believe that won’t be the case.”

“That’s good! When can we expect him to do so?”

“Every case is different, so we can’t be certain about a time. We made sure to sedate him for some of the exams required. But he should wake up soon.”

“Ok…Dr. I’m gonna be straightforward with you. What is worrying me the most is his mental state. What can we expect when and if he awakes?”

“I’m not sure how to answer your question Agent. Medically speaking, there’s nothing wrong as far as we can see but the results are completely unpredictable. He spent almost 70 years on the ice, it’s the first case that we have seen successfully come back to life, there are no studies to compare him to. If we take comma cases as a base of comparison, there have been people that woke up speaking languages they never learned before while others got amnesia. At this point we can only wait and hope for the best. I’m sorry that I can’t give you a better answer”

“That’s ok, thank you. That’s actually what I was thinking about…” You said touching your hair ‘Of course, The First Avenger had to be The First Successful Cryogenesis Reanimation Case to be ever officially documented’ You internally joked about it. “About his “power nap” do you think it’s better to break it to him slowly or do you think that he could handle a bit more of intensity? ” You bit your lip waiting for his answer

“On my opinion? No matter how you break this to him it will be hard to take in. I’d advise you to make sure that he gets some kind of psychological assistance to help him cope with it. He might be a super soldier but the human emotions are always volatile and complex to deal with”

“Thank you. Appreciate the information.” You shake his hands before strolling back to the door, then you slightly turned “And Dr. Rawlings? I hope that you understand that what we have just discussed on here will stay between us.” He just nodded “Thank You! We’ll notify you when we are ready to move him” You said going back to where Phil was waiting for you, an unreadable expression showing on you.

“All good in there Wex?” Phil asked with a frown

“As much as it could be…How’s what I asked you going on?”

“It’s going to take some time, but I’m working on it. I’ll let you know when it’s done”

“Thank you! I truly appreciate it. I’d do it myself but it looks like I’ll have my hands full for the next few months.”

“It’s my pleasure, anything that I can do to help you.”

“You are a ray of sunshine! Let’s make sure that we are ready to welcome him, shall we?” He assented, both of you walking down the bright white hall…

—– * ———–* ——

“Good morning” You said checking your watch. “Or should I say, afternoon?” You warmly smiled at him

“Where am I?” Steve said sitting at the edge of the bed

“You’re in a recovery room in New York city.” You calmly said just as the Dodgers announcer spoke on the radio “The Dodgers take the lead, 8-4. Oh, Dodgers! Everyone is on their feet. What a game we have here today, folks. What a game indeed”. He looked at you suspiciously.

“Where am I really?” He said in a very clearly uneasy way

“I’m afraid I don’t understand.” Your trembling voice betraying you at the worst time

“The game, it’s from May, 1941. I know, ‘cause I was there.” He said as he got up from the bed “Now, I’m gonna ask you again. Where am I?” His intimidating stance making your knees go weak

“Captain Rogers…” You said as you secretly pushed an alarm

“Who are you?” He asked as two soldiers in black uniform enter the room and Steve knocks them through the wall. Steve realizes that he’s on some kind of made up set

“Captain Rogers, wait!” You said taking the regretful decision of attempting to fight with him. You unsuccessfully launched yourself at him, but he’s too fast and he tackles you to the ground with extreme ease as he runs out of there. “All agents, code 13! I repeat. All agents, code 13!” You said into the comms as you tried to stand up using the remaining of the wall to support you, grabbing your wrist, the throbbing sting of a grazed knee with blood dripping down your leg…

—– * ———–* ——

Cold air roaming free through the crowded streets, dazzling lights, digital banners, indistinguishable noises, strange music, and buildings taller than he remembered… “Where am I?” He ran until his head spinned around, he came to a halt trying to soak in his surroundings. Heart pounding on his chest and heightened senses watching numerous black SUVs and men in black encircling him. An unidentified tall muscular one eye-patched man approaching him. “SHIELD”/ “SSR” the words ringed a bell on his mind and somehow eased his alert mode down. The now named man Fury sweet-talked him into going back with them.

—– * ———–* ——

A distrusting Steve was securely led by Fury towards the upper floors of the building…

“I know that you must still be in shock about what happened. But that’s why we are here.” He pointed at the door in front of them “Behind this door, there’s someone that I’d like you to meet”

They walked inside the minimalist but modern looking space where they found you standing looking at the window. You slowly turned around making your hair locks swift with the motion. You had a partially unbuttoned white t-shirt that allowed a small view of your cleavage, while the skirts’ length showed your slightly grazed knee.

“Agent Wexler! Well done out there” Fury sarcastically said

“My bad! I should have expected THAT” You said pointing up and down at Steve

“Captain Rogers, this is Special Agent Rose Wexler”

“So, you are an agent…” He said with an indescribable emotionless tone of voice “Nice to meet you” He said extending his hand to you, which you shook with noticeable discomfort

“Same here.” You politely answered

“I’m sorry we didn’t meet under different circumstances. We thought it’d be better for you to awake in a familiar environment but I guess that we were wrong. I’m really sorry about that” You pressed your hands together with a sympathy frown

“Well, I wasn’t counting on awakening, myself so…” He sadly muttered touching his face

“Right…” You mouthed

“We are glad to have you back Cap, we do. But we also know this won’t be easy on you…” He’s stopped mid-sentence by an annoyed Steve

“You think?” He jolts and glared at Fury “Is that why I was heavily escorted back by armed-to-the-teeth guards?” His defensive stance making you both, Fury and you, to take on a similar apprehensive demeanor

“Rest Soldier!” Nick let out in his best imperative voice “It was for your own protection. Times have changed…”

“Really? Oh, I must have missed that part!” The anger and frustration radiating from him. “Are they coming back in to lock me up somewhere?” He clenched his jaw with a frown and restless hands

“Please calm down Captain Rogers. That is NOT happening, not on my watch.” You reassured him with an appeasing tone “Although, you have every right on the world to be angry at us, you can’t be so narrow-minded as to not understand that we had to be ready in case that you were not on your right mind. And truth be told it wasn’t the best encounter of my life” You noticed his expression changing towards one of concern as he followed your line of vision towards your knee

“I’m sorry” His expression softened “I didn’t mean to cause you that” He apologetically said with begging hands “Did I hurt you?” He noticed you rubbing your injured wrist too “I’m so sorry” He said like a plea for forgiveness

“No big deal, it’s probably just sprained. I heal pretty fast anyways” You shrugged with a genuine smile, trying to simmer down the heightened atmosphere.

“Had I known, I wouldn’t have done that” He fidgeted hiding his face on his hands, heavily sighing.

“Don’t berate yourself Captain. We anticipated these scenarios. I wouldn’t let her be alone on that room with you unless I trusted her enough to know she would be fine.” He chimed in, hands-on-hip

“You are great fighter by the way, very impressive” Steve shyly admitted, earning him a look of approval

“So, now that we are clear and acquainted… Agent Wexler here is going to be your handler” You bit your lip with narrowed eyes at his statement

“My handler?” He tensed up again and raised his brows in confusion “What is that supposed to mean?”

“That´s enough!” Your loud shout and stabbing glare at Fury throwing them off “This is not going as planned… I’m sorry again Captain.” You softly uttered with hands pressed in a plea, imitating Steve’s previous gesture “Director Fury, why don’t you leave us alone?” a somewhat imploring tone leaving your lips “I think I can take it from here. Is that ok with you Cap?”

“Sure, I guess” He said looking perplexed

“Fair enough.” Fury threw his hands in the air in defeat “I expect your call first thing tomorrow” He signaled you and you bowed your head in agreement “See you both around” He said before exiting the door. Feeling the tension on the air decrease, you breathed out in relief.

“That was intense… So, Captain Rogers, would you like to take a seat?” You pointed to the black sofa.

“Please call me Steve” He said taking his spot

“Ok, Steve it is. Would you like some coffee or tea? I know 66 years is a long time but I can assure you the coffee is great!… Wait, you just woke up so some maybe water instead? It comes ready to drink…”

“Water AND Coffee sound good…” He said with a small charming grin, as you served him the glass of water first followed by a cup of coffee. You took a seat next to him duchess slant style, watching him first taking a sip of the water, still sensing his discomfort

“Is it ok?”

“Well, we used to boil everything before. It feels interesting not having to worry about it” He said with an unreadable expression, Remembrance? Confusion? Shock maybe? Before he finally dipped in the beverage

“How is it? Need more sugar?”

“It’s very good, you were right. Thank you” Uneasiness and anxiety lingering in the air.

“Good. Look, sorry about the earlier commotion and please forgive Fury, he can be totally thoughtless sometimes but he’s a good guy. Now, I know that you have a lot of questions and I will be more than glad to answer them all.” You saw him relax at your words “I want you to know that we never stopped looking for you… although on this instance you were literally found by chance and we simply took over from there and brought you back.” You couldn’t avoid to glance at him at the way the wording “by chance” sounded like, causing you both to chuckle. “I know the irony… Besides that, I’m of their best agents and the closest thing Nick has to a daughter that’s why I’ve been assigned to you”

“So I’m your mission?” He said once again with that quizzical pout, you swear this man was going to give you a run for your money. You tried to form your thoughts as you took a sip of your own coffee

“No…Steve, I want to be clear. I’m doing this under very unconventional terms, my own to be exact.” you entwined your hands on your lap, looking intently at him “I’m here because I want to, not because they told me so. My only mission here is to help you in everything that I can so that you can adapt to our modern society. To pass on you all the knowledge and tools you’ll need to thrive at it… I don’t like the term “handler”, it’s too impersonal and sounds odd. I’d prefer if you consider me an assistant or helpmate, whichever that you feel comfortable using”

“Ok, so you are my nanny” He smirked

“Oh God No!” You said laughing “No… in no way do I expect you to feel restricted or monitored by my presence. If anything I would like it very much if we can eventually become friends.” You honestly said. “There’s always our work relationship too so right now if you feel uncomfortable in any way you can simply refer to me as Agent Wexler or Wex as my friends and colleagues call me.”

“Ok, sounds good to me… Look, I’m sorry if I made you feel bad before it’s just that talking to a dame…I never got that right” He said with slightly curled up lips

“It’s ok Captain…You’ll be surprised how much times have changed, about everything… I wish I could say we can slower the process here but there’s a lot to show you and to teach you so this will be a crash course introduction to the 21st century. But I’ll try my best to make you feel at ease with it…For starters, I got this for you” You said putting a small red notebook in front of him

“What’s this for?” He said taking it

“It’s yours. Write down everything that you would like to ask me or to look on your own, no matter what it is. What you are curious about, things people tell you, what you want to try. Anything, then we can start taking them off the list. Of course you can also use it to write down thoughts, feelings, emotions or whatever you wish. Even if you just want to drabble something on, I know you were really good at arts…” He half pursed his lips at the mention of that memory

“That’s… that’s reasonable. Can I ask you something right now?”

“Absolutely!” You said maybe a little bit too enthusiastic

“Fury, he tried to explain to me how I am alive…He said something about suspended animation. Is there anything specific that I should know about it?” He asked “Am I alright?”

“Well, suspended animation is still quite an enigma, how’s the human body capable of accomplishing such task? Science can’t fully answer that yet… We know it’s the temporary long-term slowing or stopping of biological function…heart rate beat almost undetectable, your body shuts itself down…all trying to ensure that physiological capabilities are preserved… Our technology helped to take you out from that state. Thankfully for you there was no brain or physiological damage at all” You finished your speech looking at a very distressed Steve, as if he was trying to digest every piece of information. “Physically there’s nothing wrong about you, unless you tell me otherwise. Are you feeling ok?”

“Yeah, I just… One moment I went into ice thinking I was going to die and literally woke up the next into a different age … It’s just a lot to take in” He downturned his head

“I understand and I’m sorry, I really wish that there could be a different way to help you about that. I can’t ask you to trust me because you just met me. But I can assure you that I will do whatever it takes to make it right to you”

“I appreciate it, so please don’t get me wrong when I say this…You were given an order from your superior but you were very forthright informing me your willingness to partake on it. Why would you care so much about this?”

“Assessing my motives, Captain?” A flirtatious tone accidentally escaped your lips “I get it. If I’d be on your shoes, I’d probably do the same thing… You are a soldier, Military intelligence strategy establishes that you should train yourself to read people, picking up the signals they unconsciously send about their innermost thoughts and intentions. Am I right?” He nodded as a half-way there smile formed ““Know the Enemy”, Sun Tzu, The Art of War? … Such an extraordinary manuscript!” You put your best ‘The Thinker’ pose humming “Except, that I’m not your enemy. For the sake of my mental sanity, I’d be very grateful if you wouldn’t consider me as such, without really giving me a chance. However… I might consider revealing you a tiny piece of me so maybe that way we can break the ice a little bit and you can consider me less of a stranger…”

“Wow… already an ice joke… I deserve it” He chuckled at your unintentional funny remark

“Ok, on my defense no pun was intended!” You failed to defend your faux-pass, you shook your head and bit your lip “There’s only one way to answer your question…and I’m not gonna like it” You stood up to pick up a picture frame from your desk, you took a look at it, endearingly touching it “There are other remarkable agents out there with a similar level of knowledge and skills than mine but none of them had the same drive and compromise that I do. AND I held the upper hand having access to exclusive insider information” You handed it to him before taking a seat again “That’s my father and 9 years old me holding a toy replica of your Captain America shield… As you can see, even after you were gone you became a worldwide known hero to all of us. My father was a top SHIELD agent. As such, He knew a lot about you, in fact his favorite bed time stories to tell me were always about you and how you selflessly saved the world from doom…” You said with some tears forming on your eyes without realizing it “Up until he died, he always told me you were a man of integrity and that the world was blessed to have you… I believed him, right up until this moment. I didn’t think I’d see the moment where I’d meet you…God, I sound like a fangirl…” You said with tears finally falling down your cheeks in a tiny choked sob

“Hey…” He said lightly touching your hand. Maybe it was an empathy reflex or maybe it was an unconscious perpetuating way of an apology for his caveman-mode first encounter, you couldn’t tell “Sorry about your dad. Thank you for telling me… I guess my name did outlive my time” His tender smile letting you see a comforting side of him

“Oh you have no idea” You said with a giggle still feeling the warmth of his hand on yours, to which you not so subtly shifted on your seat making him realize, removing his hand in a split second, you could swear you saw a blush on his cheeks. At the same time that you wiped the remaining tears from your face. You cleared up your throat “Sorry, I don’t usually cry in front of well anyone… This was so uncalled for and out of character for me. But in all honesty? I’m not the least bit ashamed for it. Being an agent doesn’t mean that I must be a stone-cold woman, right?” He stood still and somehow dumbfounded by your rambling “I’m quite chatty when I get anxious, which I extremely am right now and I’m not going to fake poise just because YOU are in front of me” You rose up from your seat, taking a cup of water, avoiding his line of vision

“Why are you so anxious? If anyone on this room should feel that way, then that person should be me. Isn’t it?”

“You are right. But like I said to Fury when he reached out to me, I consider this assignment as a privilege that I’m thrilled to have and I’ve got no intentions to hide my excitement…I just don’t think that you can see that or to understand the significance that your awakening represents.” He followed your lead standing behind you with his hands resting on his hips

“Then, why don’t you tell me?” He was dead serious

“Hope” You said turning around locking eyes with him “You represent hope for all of us. You did in the past and you coming back means that we might have another chance at getting that reverie back” His unwavering deep ocean blue eyes, causing your grip on the cup to tighten until your knuckles went white “We won the war but we lost so much. The things that we have seen, that we have lived afterwards… people is dying. There are dangers out there as never seen before. The earth needs to be protected by the ones that have the ability to do so. That’s why I’m here and I’d be honored if you would be able to join me Captain.” You gulped hard

“Then, that’s all that I need to know Agent. I joined the army with a mission, and it looks like despite the pass of time and the ones giving the orders, that mission hasn’t changed. Just say the word and I’ll be there” Absolute resolve shimmering through his sight.

“As simple as that? Are you going to trust me this fast?” You felt your heart jump at his words, unable to move. Was this tension that you were feeling in between you? It couldn’t possibly be that, right?

“Just like that. Trust is the core conviction of judgment based on knowledge, instinct, and experience. I learned that words can be empty but Eyes can’t lie. Based on that, Believing you is my decision, proving me right is your choice” He said as you sensed the heat surfacing on your cheeks, without second guessing you finished your water in just a sip, regaining your composure

“Were you always this philosophical before?”

“I guess so.” He smirked

“We are going to have plenty of time to chit chat later on but I think it’s been enough for the day. I’m not quite sure what you would like to do right now but I need to rest, I might have not mention it before but I was thrown in the air by a grenade just yesterday and I barely got any time left to sleep, so the idea of a warm bed is hypnotizing me…”

“Of course! Wait, did you just said a grenade? Are you ok?”

“Oh!” You paused, his staggering eyes causing you to ramble “Yeah! I’m fine! But not all of us are super soldiers around here” At this point you both seemed to be relaxed, he casually reclined on your desk “Anyway, every non-essential SHIELD office personnel needs to leave this building by 6pm every day but we are on the special operatives range so that means we get to live on here. Not exactly a penthouse but it’s not like we spend much time on it either so… We get to stay a few floors below the “heads” of the empire. Our rooms are on the same floor. I’ll take you there… Just so you know once you are properly established you can choose to live independently too, I recently got my own place around, Nick just doesn’t know it yet… Oh and by the way calling him Nick it’s a privilege reserved exclusively for me, for the rest of the world it’s ‘Fury’ ” You finished almost out of breath with a grin, Steve’s face the perfect blend of admiration and inquisitiveness, as you two left the office smiling.

—– * ———–* ——

You took the elevator, pressing your badge to the scanner and saying your name “E.ROSE WEXLER” You said looking at Steve slightly tilting his head to the side. “You’ll see, no one can go beyond the 20th floor without scanning a badge like this one and their cleared up name. You should have yours first thing in the morning tomorrow, tech department is working on it as we speak”

“So, what does the E stands for?” He asked curiously

“That’s a story for another day…” You said unconsciously touching your rose shaped locket, something that didn’t go unnoticed to him.

“We are here…” You said scanning your fingerprint and badge “So, technology is pretty advanced these days. We still use keys, they’re just not that common around this building.”

“Now, you just scanned yours… Does that mean once I’m inside I’ll be locked?”

“What? Oh, no. Of course not. Here” You said taking out a generic looking badge from your pocket and handing it over to him “This is your temporary key in case you need to get out for any reason today… However, I wouldn’t advise you to do so taking in consideration well… everything.” You said, still lingering at the door without actually pushing through “You just opened the door… does it mean that you can get in and out as you please?” He asked

“That! Yes, no…. I mean yes… I have one of the highest clearance levels after Fury, so I’ve got access to a lot more places than most of people around here can only dream off, but that’s a secret…” You said pressing your finger to your lips. “It was set up this way in case of an emergency, if you need anything my room is right across from yours and if it’s of any kind of comfort to you, other than me and Nick only you have free access to my apartment… And before you ask, no, I didn’t have any involvement on it so I don’t know whose brilliant idea that was…” You said with a shy smirk that Steve followed himself. “Shall we get in now?” You said finally crossing the door

The room was quite different from the rest of the rooms on the building. This was SHIELD’s New York Headquarters so there was just a tiny range of what you could do about it but his room definitely had a special touch added by you, specially taking in consideration the fact that you literally only had a few hours to coordinate it all before being introduced to him. For a man from the 1940’s no blow dryer or electric razor, or any other electronic devices, would be needed today. Comforter and night tables had a nice vintage touch to them, a small antique lamp resting on each side as well as an old working alarm clock and radio, same did the floral printed chairs and sofa on the corner of the room, the bed was as minimalist as it could get in modern times, a nice dark wood with white sheets, duvet and pillows. You made sure to take out anything that could give him a headache trying to figure it out. “Now, I don’t know if you’ll like it. I took out some unnecessary amenities and replaced them with more familiar ones…or at least that’s what I tried… There’s that small kitchenette that you can use if you want to. There’re some groceries on the pantry and the fridge, including some beer. There’re also clean clothes for you in the closet and you’ve got some toiletries in the bathroom, nothing fancy though just a plain toothbrush, tooth paste, shampoo, soap and a comb…I thought we could leave the new wide variety of options for later.”

“There are more now?” He said rubbing the back of his neck

“Oh, there are way too many now. Don’t worry, I’ll take you shopping first thing in the morning tomorrow. This is basically like a mini apartment, it’s got everything you might need…We do have a shared space with other agents, it’s got a bigger kitchen with a nice oven and two doors fridge and living room area with more amenities. You just go out, turn on the right down till the end of the hall and turn right again. Just cross the big glass door there and you should find it…” You said a little bit apprehensive of what his reaction would be, as you saw him eyeing the place up and down 

“Thank You, it’s very nice. I like it”. He said rubbing his hands.

“I’m glad to hear that. Before I leave…I thought you might have some trouble sleeping so I gathered some general information that I thought you’d like to read. Mostly military intelligence and worldwide main events that happened ever since. It’s got notes written on the pages.” You directed him towards a few folders piled up on his night table

“Thank You. You didn’t have to do all of this” At that moment you saw it… The haunted look on his face… you didn’t need to know him to recognize it from miles away, you knew it too well…

“I did. You deserve it” His vacant stare and head tilted down at your carefully worded statement confirming what you already suspected… “You know… It’s ok to have a second chance at life”

“Pardon me?”

“The heavy weight you’re carrying, the sorrow of feeling your heart beating on your chest, the bittersweet taste of being alive while they’re gone…Survivor’s guilt…I’d recognize it anywhere… ” He looked at you with the eyes of a disheartened man trying to read in between your lines “You are not the only one with a dreadful past. I shouldn’t be alive either but I am here…Aren’t I?” The gut wrenching truth behind those words, striking you both like a blazing fire in a silent understanding of two broken souls “Being the last one standing was not our choice, but is one that we must learn to live with every day. There’s no sin in making out the most of the second chance given.” You said with a lump on your throat while watching Steve open his mouth, “I–” struggling to utter the words. You got it as if on cue “We might not show it but we all carry our own ghosts, Steve” No words were needed and he knew it

“Thank You” He said on a low husky voice with a cryptic sparkle on his eyes

“My pleasure. Tomorrow our day starts at 0800 hours …” You said walking towards the door, his eyes following your every move

“Sure… Have a good night”

“Same to you…I’ll see you in the morning” You replied with a coy smile exiting his room and entering yours. 

Your mind was on a wild overdrive, what your mission actually implies… the guy that everyone used to talk to you about, the hero who saved the world so many years ago… he was alive and you, out of everyone on the face of the earth, you were the one on charge of seeing him every day…. it hits you right there, making you collapse against the wall…


	3. The Awakening of a Legend (PART 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve’s having a hard time dealing with his awakening, more than what he’s willing to admit. But he’s not the only one…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOUNDTRACK:  
> (Theme Song): Whatever it Takes- Imagine Dragons  
> (Chapter Song): In my Blood- Shawn Mendes 
> 
> CHAPTER WARNINGS: Description of panic attacks and anxiety. Mentions of blood
> 
> –*—-*–  
> PREVIOUSLY
> 
> Your mind was on a wild overdrive, what your mission actually implies… the guy that everyone used to talk to you about, the hero who saved the world so many years ago… he was alive and you, out of everyone on the face of the earth, you were the one on charge of seeing him every day…. it hits you right there, making you collapse against the wall…  
> –*—-*–

“Think what devils chase a man who cannot sleep in his own house" 

-Warren Eyster

Wooziness overtook you, maybe it was the exhaustion finally setting in, you didn’t lie about being thrown in the air and not sleeping well afterwards, and you were literally running on adrenaline and coffee. Maybe it was your aching body healing itself, maybe it was the emotional impact of meeting your childhood superhero, you don’t know. You stayed there until your legs decided to obey your command to stand up. You change into a pair of black sweats and a lose white T-Shirt, which allows you to check the now almost inexistent knee scrape and the fading purples courtesy of the hazards of your job, while softly rubbing your throbbing wrist, an inexplicable burn flowing through it. A hot cup of linden and honey tea and your favorite book in hand you plopped in bed with racing thoughts. You froze during an active mission, you got a flashback of one of your worst days ever and that nearly costed you your life. You dazed out while working out. Mixed memories and a whirlwind of emotions… the perfect blend for disaster. You pick up your phone and digging into the files you come across the one labeled as ”E“. The one that you had avoided looking at for so long that you can’t even remember the last time it was opened.You hesitate knowing that the second you access it, it’ll only bring back the pain buried so deep inside you, but somehow after everything that happened in the last 48 hours, you needed it. You felt the urge to visit the contents that you painstakingly kept hidden inside your own Pandora’s Box, the one that locked your demons within its walls but that was also the same one that safeguarded the last memories of what you lost. And you just happened to keep a little piece of them at the reach of your fingertips, so you did. You input the right numbers on the password protected pop-up and just like that you’re in.

The sun lighting up happy faces, sand and ocean waves making the flawless background of what seemed like the epitome of a perfect love story, except that it couldn’t be any further away from the Shakespearean tragedy that eclipsed the bliss captured in pixels. The events that took place after that photograph was taken were written down in stone as the embodiement of sacrifice, the undying love reduced to ashes on the ground.

…Head buried on knees…

…You cry…

…Liar…Shameless…Hypocrite…

You self-loathed into oblivion, you were vulnerable, mere minutes ago you were pep talking a living legend into accepting the second chance given to him, while here you laid at the mercy of a past that couldn’t be changed. You had fought these monsters more times that you could count with both of your hands, you were tired of hiding and running away from them, you had lost too much on too short of a time, and you were not willing to lose again. You wipe the tears with the back of your hand and scroll through your phone again, you open the messages icon and selecting the intended destinatary, you type a message:

-"I need to see you”-

You were unsure of whether or not you actually wanted to send it, but there wasn’t any room left for hesitation. One click. It’s all it takes to find yourself awaiting for a text back. A few minutes pass when your device buzzed with the coveted reply.

-“It’s been set”-

Date…Time…Place…You read it twice to make sure that you had it right. A breath that you didn’t know you were holding rushedily leaves your body, ‘this ought to be a long night indeed! Placing the gadget on the night table, you once again turn your focus to the forgotten book lying next to you, you flipped the pages over and over until your eyelids are finally getting heavier and heavier, slowly drifting off to sleep…

\--*—-*–  
Looking around the empty space, an almost deafening silence engulfed the air. His chest tightened, heart pounding hard and fast, feeling the air knocked out of him. Maybe it was the fact that he just woke up from 66 years of sleep or maybe it was a change on the thick air, he didn’t know why but he struggled to even out the shallow breaths. He seats down on the edge of the bed, clenching the sheets on his fists, knuckles going white at the strong grip. An unwelcomed reminder of his asthma attacks from his pre-serum days, it didn’t make any sense because, he couldn’t get sick after all, could he?

He wasn’t sure how long it passed but when he finally recovered from his haze he touched his face, finding it wet at the touch, he had been crying without realizing it…he was disconcerted by it. Drinking some cold water and trying to take slow deep breaths in and out, he composed himself. Still a little light headed at the events, he changed into a pair of sweatpants he found in the closet and got into bed determined to read as much, from the files you left him, as he could. Each word he read made his insides twist, it made him want to throw up. He couldn’t believe the massive events that took place on those almost 70 years, he was a soldier that went to war and fought the nazis but his heart nearly got out of his chest when he reached the last report, he got enough, how could someone do such a thing?

The environment of the '40’s that he once loved so much was now just a melancholic memory recorded on history books. He begun to understand a little bit more about the dangers you mentioned to him before. He could only try to imagine the things you must have lived and seen on this new world, sudden goosebumps traveled on his body at the thought. He cried again with only the darkness of the night as his witness…

**** *** ****  
Darkness everywhere he turned, he ran through the woods tree after tree, he fell, he stood up and kept going… the screams got louder by the second…

“Steve…. Steve….”

The begging voice echoed on the air causing a chill to go down his spine, his name being said in a whimper. Then it was gone…Blood… There was blood everywhere… the fallen soldiers stared at him in plea, the look on their faces stabbing his heart, tears streaming down his dirty face leaving a trail behind them…

image  
Originally posted by jamesbarnes-32557038

Then he heard his voice again

“Steve… help…Steve…dont leave me…”

It was definitely him… 'Bucky’.He called his name again, he didn’t reply. He turned around and he saw him, he stood at the edge of the cold snowy mountain, blood dripping down his forehead, shredded clothes and eyes wide open

“Noooooo….” He screamed as he saw him fall off the cliff unable to catch him on time…

**** *** ****  
He jolts in bed with eyes wide open and erratic breathing, shirt and sheets drenched in sweat, he looks around confused at his surroundings, panic sets in, his head is spinning around, he takes the glass of water from the night table and gulps it down… a nightmare…a projection of the actual painful events that took place..the memories flooding him again

… “the jet… ice…waking up on 2011…S.H.I.E.L.D…Wexler…”

Heavy breaths leaving his lungs…Today was supposed to be your first day of catching up together, he rubbed his eyes and then his temples, the pshychological and mental overload was real, manifesting on him as a phantom headache. He looked at the clock “0600”, still had plenty of time before meeting you. After changing the sheets, making his bed and doing some exercise, taking a long shower seemed a good idea…Or so he thought… He discarded his sweaty clothes on the hamper and slowly opened up the shower where he stood paralyzed, head down and hands on the tiles, letting the hot water run down his body. One word described his current experiences: surreal. A disorienting, hallucinatory quality of a dream.

Flashbacks of his past life achingly invading him, art school, Conney Island, Dr. Erskine, the Howling Commandos, Bucky…Oh Bucky…Peggy…_All of it now gone. Water and salty tears mixed together in between his shivering lips. Hot steam clouding his sight, Cars, lights, men with guns, S.H.I.E.L.D, Fury, 'you'…THE future, his present. It wasn’t supossed to be this way. It all bursts out with a crushing force.

What looked like hours were barely a few minutes down the clock. Unable to shush his brain and towel wrapped around his lower half, he swiped a hand on the steamy mirror, staring at his own reflection, not even a single wrinkle or grey hair, as if time hadn’t passed at all. Your soft voice imprinted on his brain…He remembered you telling him the science behind it but it all looked and felt like a dream that he couldn’t wake up from. No matter what or why, he was here, he focused on that. His gut piqued up his interest on you and now he needed to know more, he too was a man on a mission. He found himself ready in no time, “0725" marked the clock, he was about to lose it trying to figure out how the coffee maker worked until he heard a crack and decided it was wise to give up instead. He knew it’d be better to just check on you, after all you said “look for me if you need anything” didn’t you? As he approached your door, he could hear some shouting on the inside, you sounded upset and distressed, it made him get into alert mode. He cautiously knocked on the door and you opened it helding your phone on your ear

“STEVE!… Get in… just gimme one sec” You said closing the door after him, before resuming your call in the same tone of disdain as he heard before, but this time around he could sense what it was unmistakably pain in your words "I hope that you understand why I seriously don’t want to talk to you right now. I’ll get back to you later!“ With that you hung up the call without waiting for a reply taking a deep breath ” Hi, good morning!” You said with a smile “Im sorry about that!”

“Morning! I hope I’m not inconveniencing you this early. I don’t want to come across as noisy but you sounded upset before. Is everything ok?“ He asked you with clear concern in his voice

"No–” the whispered word unintentionally left your lips “–I’m not ok… but it’s fine. Just an early unwanted unpleasant conversation.” You unconsciously pouted. You weren’t lying, Fury had decided to call you before you even had a chance to get your daily dose of caffeine this morning, “What did I do wrong?” You had asked him, you never thought you’d get to that point, NEVER. Nick’s words on that call stung your heart for all the wrong reasons but you weren’t about to tell Steve that. “Someone questioning your motives this early in the morning is not exactly the best way to start the day… But Thanks for asking” You fidgeted the phone on your hand and then laid it on the table

“Not a problem, I understand… I know I’m earlier than expected but I couldn’t figure out how to make coffee myself, and well, I was afraid to break it, soo…” He said with his hands on his pockets and a boyish smug

“Right…sorry. I forgot to teach you about that. No worries! I was about to make some myself so you’re right on time!” Unknown to him your fatigued brain had a life of its own and believed that overthinking every single decision made on the last 5 years of your life was required, waking up on and off throughout the night. Morpheus finally got tired of the game and he threw you off from his arms in the early hours of dawn. You were technically “off duty” or at least that’s how Fury had decided to name your “off the grid” mission with Steve, so you had no further obligations in place and you thanked the heavens above for that.

Amusement filled you as you inadvertently caught Steve’s prying eyes on you. Black skinny jeans, a white crop top hugging your body, converse sneakers and a high pony tail with some natural make up on (mostly to attempt to cover the dark bags under your eyes courtesy of your restless night), the typical casual look.

“Is there something wrong with me?” The nature of the question itself, painted a rosy shade on his cheeks. Then you remembered, women from the 40’s looked anything like this…

Long colorful dresses, delicate belts and shiny shoes, high waist and knees length skirts and delicate blouses. Leather handbags, jazzy hats and carefully pinned hairstyles.

More than 60 years of evolution in fashion, and you, well you just happened to be the first woman that he had the chance to actually look at (people rapidly eyed during his post-awakening attempted escape doesn’t really count)… First cultural shock, CHECKED!…Well done Wex…You mentally laughed at the irony of it…

“Oh, no… sorry. You just look different” He shyly said

“Different good? Or different bad?” You asked him with a frown slightly tilting your head to the side

“Good…of course! Just different than yesterday” He hesitatingly said, kind of pacing on the spot waiting for your reaction, which did not escape your eye.

“Thanks! Well, compared with the outdated military uniform I wore or the men and women in black working on this building… yes! We are having a long day today, so I thought wearing sneakers would be a good idea. Plus walking down New York streets on a S.H.I.E.L.D tactical uniform, which you haven’t seen yet, is not what I would call “blending in” the crowd…” You both laughed “And you don’t look that bad yourself!” You said pointing at his plaid shirt and high waist pants

“Is this ok, then?” He said somewhat flustered

“It’s perfect. I told you we had some shopping and sightseeing to do today. We’ll take care of your fashion update later.“ He nodded as you noticed him eyeing the place up "Whatcha thinking there?”

“Your place is different. Nice.”

“How are you feeling today? I mean after yesterday’s incident…” He pointed at your wrist and knee

“Oh! This!” You held your hand up “It’s good now. Nothing that a few hours of snooze can’t fix!”

“Thank you! Although I don’t really spend much time here, when I do, I like to keep it very minimalistic” You looked gleefully in self-appreciation of your neat space. In reality it wasn’t that different from Steve’s, yours seemed warmer thanks to the cream pallette of colors, matched with some notes of brown and orange used in a few pillows and a cover over the white duvets, it had a Smart TV in front of the bed, a few pictures hanging on the walls, a methodically organized bookshelf and a few strategically placed ornaments throughout it.

“Once again, I’m sorry. I should’ve never pushed you the way I did, you were a dame after all”

“Women can be villains too. I could never blame you for reacting like anyone else would have done on your position. It’s already in the past, so don’t stress about it. But, What about you? Did you sleep well?” You focused on him, carefully studying his motions

“I–I did”

…He hesitated…

…You lightly bit your tongue…

******

“One" 

You wished this wouldn’t be a score that you’d have to keep. You shake it off. Applying the golden rule, you give him the benefit of the doubt.

******

"Nevertheless, I think I’ve slept for so long…” A ghost of a smile showing on his face

“For us, sleep is a little bit overrated anyways, I’ll grant you that, but I promise you, it gets better…" 'it’s not really about the sleep, is it? does she know about last night?’ Steve’s thoughts were interrupted by the deep gaze between you and the momentarily spechlessness. There was an undeniable mutual understanding of the truth hidden in between those lines. And it was clear as water, as if they had been eyewitnessess of each other’s nightly ordeals. Shaking your head at the overflowing emotions that filled the room, you bring yourselves back to the present with more pressing matters at hand

"Now, come here…” You said leading him towards the coffee maker on the small kitchen and explained to him how to use it ”[…] then press the “ON” button… and VOILA! Coffee should be ready in a few…There are other even more advanced styles but I find that a waste of money when this baby right here can do the same thing, less is more…motto of life!” You bubblishly said. For whatever reason it was, there was a natural flow on your interactions, that reminded you when…you felt like yourself, the past you. Inner shock was an understatement, something that you were a master at concealing.

“It wasn’t that hard… I guess I’m just dumb” He said scratching the back of his neck

“Hey! Don’t be so harsh on yourself! Being 93 years old must be really hard” You teased him as he stood next to you, a strange mix between aprehensiveness and familiarity.

“Wow…” He replied faking hurt

“Well, biologically speaking you remain at the same age as when you went into the ice… so that would put you at what??” You said with a 'I’m doing math face’. “You were born in 1918… went down in '45… we are on 2011…so that makes you 27! You’re still on your prime!“ You excitedly said, making him chuckle. “What? Am I wrong?”

“No, I think that is about right… How about you?”

“Oh, Mr.ROGERS! that right there is a faux pas! You should NEVER ask a lady her age…” You bantered

“You are absolutely right, I apologize for it.”

“I’m joking!” You said playfully punching him on his forearm “Chill out! Stop apologizing for everything…"

“I’m--Ok, ok… I’ll do my best”

“Great…To answer your question, technically I’m younger than you just by 2 years”

“So, you are 25?”

“JEEZ! You should look at your face right now! Just because you think of yourself as an old man doesn’t mean that you really are one!” You’re sure that your heart skipped a beat at the sight of his bright ear-to-ear smile, heat rose up your cheeks

“How come that you know so much about me but I don’t know a thing about you?”

"You will, eventually…” A lil coy smile left your lips “and actually what I’m well versed about it’s not really you but your Captain America persona” The strain on the last word made him tip his head to the side and blithely quirked up his lips

“But for now, what about breakfast? I’m guessing that you didn’t eat anything after I left…" He simply nodded

“Thought so…You must be starving! Is there anything in particular that you would like? I’ve got eggs, bacon, cereal, I can make some killer pancakes if you want!”

“Anything should be fine, thank you”

“Ok, it’s on me then!… In that case, let’s have some toast and scrambled eggs with bacon.” You briefly showed him your vintage toaster too, to which he seemed amused at “Why don’t you take a seat while I finish here?”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to help you? He asked sitting down on the breakfast island chair, looking at you from the other side of the counter

“It’s ok. Today it’s totally my treat!” You said with a pan on the hand and a toothy smile on your face, taking some bacon and milk from the fridge and grabbing some eggs from the counter to prepare your meal

“So, how long have you been on S.H.I.E.L.D?”

“Hmm… I joined at 17, legal age of consent. But I wasn’t allowed into active missions overseas until I was 20. I had to acquire more “intel and reckon experience” on national ground and I had to finish college first as per Nick’s requirements to let me in.” You said while flipping and frying the bacon

“So you went to college?” He frowned in amazement

“Yeah! You thought I was just a pretty face agent, huhm?” You hummed with a witty brow, while moving the bacon to the side “I might not look like it but I’m quite gifted Steven…” You lifted your kitchen spatula up in the air and narrowed eyes in a fake treatening mode, both of your laughs echoing through the place

“That’s not what I meant. In no way do I doubt about your intelligence. It’s just that back on my day, it wasn’t as common. Although, women were very proficient on different areas and had significant roles, higher education wasn’t a priority”

“It’s ok… History wise, the war threw the education system into full-scale crisis, as it pointed out the many defiencies it had. Which pressed for improvements and throughout the years the percentage of women that completed higher education increased from 3.8% in the 1940’s up to more than 30% up to this year!”

“That is amazing!”

“It is! It’s been a long way to get there but definitely worth it. We still face struggles in terms of equality but we have accomplished more than expected”

“I couldn’t be happier to hear that there’s been such great advance”

“We all are! On my case, before becoming an agent, I finished my Biomolecular Science PhD and Software Engineering Bachelor, all by age 18” You proudly grinned, breaking the eggs into the bacon’s leftover grease, graciously scrambling them adding a little milk and a dash of salt

“Wow… that’s really impressive!” You blushed at his compliment “Pardon me but with such an incredible academic background…Was S.H.I.E.L.D something that you always wanted to do?”

“In a different world, I know that I could have had a brilliant career in the scientific field but life circumstances took me down this road instead and earlier than expected at that. Although, I know that one way or another I would have ended up where I am. Legacy? Tradition? Honor thy father? Patriotism? Whatever you want to call it… There’s nowhere I’d rather be at… You are good…” You said with a chuckle, his clear intend of discovering as much as he could about you were immediately busted “I’m not really a morning talker, yet you seem to have gotten more out of me than anyone before and all of that before coffee!”

“Hey! I had to try!” He said with a smirk

“I KNEW IT!” You said, quickly cleaning up your area and then putting the breakfast on your plates just as the toaster let you know your bread was ready, so was the coffee. “Try to read your subject on their comfort environment. Good technique!” You said setting down the plates and cups on the counter, you made it nice and complete with small squares of butter and jam on the side, as you took seat next to him

“Wow, thank you, it smells and looks delicious” He said taking a mouthful bite “Hmmm, it’s sooo good!” He mouthed savoring the meal and giving you a thumbs up

“Thanks! I’m glad you like it…” you beamed at the praise thrown at your effortless cooking skills “You know…I meant what I said, please don’t hold back on anything that you want to ask. There is no such thing as a silly question. Some things I might not be ready to tell you, but if becoming an open book with you it’s what will make this whole thing easier for you then so be it” You finished your train of thought with a grin on your face as you ate your breakfast

"Thank you… I appreciate your honesty and compromise very much.” You nodded as his softened expression reflected his sincerity

You gave your plates the proper attention, eating in a comfortable silence, ocassionally glancing at each other, until you were both finished.

“You know… I do am curious about something–” He said shifting on his seat. You nervously wiggled your feet, you lightly brows furrowed but remained quiet awaiting for his question “–but it just feels silly…”

“ Just ask Steve, what’s the worse that can happen?” You gave him a reassurance look focusing on his facial features

“Ok…So–” A slight misstep on his body language warned you of a mid-thought abrupt shift “the yellow and blue bird on your right shoulder” He said pointing at it.

…It ain’t that…

******

“Two" 

You were convinced he was genuinely interested on your exposed colorful design, but whatever he was really concerned about and what came out of his mouth were two completely different things…But you’d keep the ball rolling…

******

"My tattoo you mean!? You can say it…” Clear embarrassment splattered across him “I know… It wasn’t something that common back on the day, were they?” You teased him

“I’m sorry, yeah… it just called up my attention. It’s hard to miss”

“I was wondering when you were going to ask me about it!” You touched it “It’s not just a bird, it’s a phoenix to be exact”

“The one that rises from the ashes…” You nodded “Why did you choose that one?” the question whose answer was always so simple yet so profound, seemed so uncomplicated when uttered by the ever the gentleman, that it smoothly flowed from you

“Implied meaning. I was going through a lot when I decided to do it. It represented everything that I wanted… To be born again.” You chewed the inside of your mouth with a hint of gloom on your eyes, something that he noticed “And I just loved how the colors matched together, it drawned me”

“Everything’s got a meaning for you, doesn’t it?” He teased you back

“Maybe..But, It’s not the only one I’ve got though...” The corner of your mouth curled up recalling the black inked design hidden on the lower of your back, a light shade of red appeared on him at your revelation. Yet, you couldn’t let go of his previous slip, he was too see-through for his own good.

“You know, I shouldn’t have to be put on the position to tell you this…I’ve been nothing but open with you, it’s only fair for you to be honest with me in return. Although, I’m sure it must have been a shocker to you, this is definitely NOT about my tat, so what is it?” You turned to meet his 'caught in the act’ face with a stern glare as you saw him stiffen in place

“You’re right” He heavily sighs with a somewhat ashamed demeanor “I’m sorry” He anxiously bit his lip looking at you “How did you–?”

“–Know? Your eyes…Eyes can’t lie, right?” His cerulean orbes fully flabbergasted at the mention of his own statement “ Your eyes…they twitched before you asked. That’s how I knew you changed your mind” He appeared lost at the explanation “It’s a technique called Kinesics, it’s the interpretation of body motion communication. It works most of the time” You clarified, thinking back to your meeting the day before, once, you succeded and once, you lost. One time, he was unreadable even to you but also one time, you cut straight through his defenses and into his sparkling blue eyes to see your shared pain written over his soul.

“It seems like I can’t hide from you, can I?” He smirked…There was more of you than what meets the eye and more skills under your sleeve than what you led others to know off. He would be lying if he said that he wasn’t drawn to it, and that he hadn’t start to admire you for it…

“Not sure, you tell me…What is it that you really want to know?”

“Ok…ok…There’s something that is indeed bugging me–” Your ears perk up at the confession “–yesterday you were very clear about your role on this. But after what I read on those files, with everything that is going on on the world, it got me thinking. What are S.H.I.E.L.D’s true motives behind it ? ” You shrugged at his imperious voice and clenched jaw. You pondered about the best way to answer him, the factual terms and conditions under which you took over this were to never be revealed to him…

”There’s no secret agenda here. I must remind you that I’m here on my own volition, but so are you. You are a miracle, if you wish to see yourself that way, and a free man. YES! The world is messed up and I know that you’d take on the hero mantle without hesitation in order to protect us. But if staying with us is not what you truly want, then you’ll be free to go and we are NOT stopping you.“ There was a level of assertiveness and will power on your voice, accentuated on every word that shocked even yourself. There was no doubt on your mind that you would fulfill your promise to him.

"I can see the veracity and the conviction of your words reflected on your eyes but how can I trust them? How do I know that, if and when I choose to go out those doors, that they’re not planning to lock you down and to capture me to re-create the super soldier serum again?” The open admission of his fears spread on his face, the expectancy of a fate that would never come his way, gave you a pain in the pit of your stomach. He was right, you couldn’t ask him to trust them when even yourself had doubts about it…

“We can’t but to have faith. For faith is the assured expectation of what is hoped for.. They already tried to do it without you and they failed miserably at it. It ended up worse than you can even imagine and we’re still dealing with the consequences of that. I can assure you, they’re not interested on another Abomination to see the light of the day. And I know they’re well aware doomsday would befall upon them the day they dare to lay down a finger on either of us” You straightened up on your seat as a lump formed in your throat, your vision resting on a random spot somewhere across the room

“How can you be so sure of that?” He asked surprised at your statements. Truth be told, it was a russian roulette, you had nothing to lose and call it blind faith but you were willing to give your own life for him if it ever called for it but how deep Fury’s secrets went or what the council could be possibly scheming behind your back you didn’t really know. You were walking the wire, hoping for the best but prepared for the worst. You swallowed the lump and turned around locking your eyes with his.

“I am not… But knowledge it’s the most powerful weapon of all and I just happen to have a lot of it…I told you before that I am a high ranking agent, you don’t get to be where I am by playing it nice. I’m here but I am NOT their pawn and they know it” You raised your eyebrow in a quirky attitude, beaming smiles displayed on you both

“You sound like someone who’s not afraid to get burn while playing with fire”

“That’s because I’ve played this game far too long, I don’t think that there’s anything left to burn… ” There was a small silence “ If anything it’s worth, the only assessment I do owe to Fury and S.H.I.E.L.D about you it’s to let them know whether or not your frozen time fried your brains and made you crazy or not!” You both laugh at your very honest explanation of your task at hand

“Woah… That’s very… comforting?”

“I was going to say freakily odd but you beat me to it!” You continued to laugh. "Thank you for talking with me…”

“Thank you for being always straightforward with me. And for the breakfast too, it was really good” He said without breaking contact with you

“It was my pleasure!“ you said finally standing up, taking the plates and cups from the counter, going around the other side and dropping them into the sink

“Do you want me to wash these for you?”

“Oh, don’t worry. We can just put them on the dish washer” You said showing him how to use it “See? All done!…There’s something I need to give you!” You moved towards your night table, taking out a small yellow envelope handing it over to him “Remember your clearance and access badge? Well, I Just got 'em earlier this morning”

“That fast? Good…” He checked the contents inside before inquiring about the names written on the outside “Who’s 'Xavs’?”

“Oh! That’s short for Xavier Nolan. He’s my friend and to-go IT expert here. He made sure to get it done ASAP. If you ever encounter any problems with those just look for him. Even if S.H.I.E.L.D is burning down, you can trust him”

“Ok. Thanks. Sounds great!”

“And just for you to know you’re stepping on my heels with your security clearance here. That gives you freedom on the building and it also grants you access to our mainframe computers to check classified information and reports.”

“Good to know. Thanks!” He said stuffing his new badge on his pocket

You stared at him up and down “Wait here for a moment” You said going into your closet before coming out wearing a crossed MK bag “Take this” You said handing him a dark navy blue cap that matched his plaid shirt and a pair of clear glasses “I think you will look good with these, although I do think it’s definitely the pants they’re just too old-fashioned…” You said laughing

"Let’s go!” He simply uttered an ok as you put on your black leather jacket, stuffed your phone inside your bag and left your room.

\--*—-*–  
As you walked towards the main entrance, you couldn’t avoid getting a glimpse at the eyes settled on you, nothing out of the ordinary. Your face and name was known as an enigma, but you could swear this morning the ogling had all to do with the sculptural man strutting next to you. Old fashion look or not, there was no hiding his hipnotizing physique.

\--*—-*–  
You strolled down in silence in the busy streets of Times Square, nothing on your mind other than to try to make out the most out of your day. As the warm sunlight bathed you and the fresh breeze caressed your hair, you spread your arms like a bird opening up their wings as if trying to take it all in, a pair of awe-stricken blue eyes stared at you

“What??” You laughed “You’re not the only one that has been cold for a long time!” Your metaphorical way of speech was never more accurate. For the first time in years, you found yourself without the burden of being “on call”, waiting for a text notifying of an upcoming mission overseas or an impromptu undercover assignment. You felt alive.

“Hey! I didn’t say anything!” He jokingly put his arms on the air

“Not that you’re asking but being with you is serving as a little vacation to me. Due to, for the time being, I won’t be assigned to any missions. Which I must admit I’m quite happy about it”

“When was the last time you took some time off?” He quizzically asked

“Honestly? I don’t even remember.” You were sure that fending off assassins in Thailand doesn’t count as a vacation…Oh, the power of autorealization…You stop on your tracks causing him to halt and to turn back to see you. In the spur of the moment, you sigh biting the inside of your lip, closing your eyes and letting your arms fall on your sides. A puff of air danced with the lose locks of your pony tail and filled up your nostrils with the typical essense of the city you came to call home, the faint sound of rushing cars and muffled voices, you relaxed getting completely absorbed in the mood. For a split second you forgot….you forgot that you were an agent, you forgot Nick’s earlier hurtful words, you forgot your dire past, you forgot that you were not alone.

A soft humming sound brought you back to reality. You slowly opened up your eyes to be met by the blonde’s warmth and charm, he opened his mouth but no words were uttered. Then it dawned on you, like a bucket of iced water, he too was relishing this banal moment…all the facts you gathered throughout your life, it all came to you like a whisper from the wind. He spent his earlier years probably being bullied and struggling with the long list of ailments he had before the serum. He lost his family, he was recluted into the Project:Rebirth and he became Captain America. He spent the next 2 years of his life being the goverment’s puppet on stage to then go rogue saving hundreds of lives of long forgotten soldiers. He created the myth and he became the legend. Those were times of war, leisure was not a priority. How much did he get to enjoy his life before freezing in the Arctic? How many of these little things was he able to live? The answer was standing up in front on you and it shook you to the core. Two worlds colliding with desperate need of a connection in between, such responsability laid upon your shoulders.

Gone with the wind...Now you understood the meaning behind that. As fast as he shimmered, his previous expression came back. His confident semblance did nothing to mask the uneasiness crawling up the surface. Years of being by Fury’s side and your own time struggling with your inner demons, taught you how to smell trouble from miles away, today was not the exception. His shaky hands, his wondering eyes, his irregular breathing from time to time… He could have a dragon pacing inside his head, you wouldn’t really know but whatever it was, he was not ok and you felt the storm rising, you had a ticking bomb in your hands and it was just a matter of time before it blew up…

“Are you ok?” You blurted out, more in the form of a rhetoric question, shrugging with arms crossed in sign of discomfort and vulnerability. Whatever that he decided to answer would mark a before and after. Whether it’d be a good thing or not it was yet to be seen.

“Yeah… I think. Why wouldn’t I?” He heavily sighed dodging your line of vision

******

“Three" 

You winced in confussion at the words bitterly piercing you. Why were you feeling so affected by it? Somehow you felt betrayed but you didn’t have any right to, did you?

******

"Can you please look at me?” You patiently awaited until he decided to do so, unsure of what he was thinking, you tightened your grip on your arms as you tried to verbalize your inner thoughts “You’ll see, I always do my best but I’m terrible at pep-talking and maybe Nick was right when he told me this morning that if there’s one really emotionally wrecked person on earth that’s me. But he failed to assess my true motivation here. And maybe is that flaw what makes me the fittest for the task at hand here”

“What do you mean?”

“We might have more in common than what you think Steve...War is war, no matter when it happened; Germany, Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria…–” He cringed at the mention of those names, he read the files about them and he took to heart every name, every date, every casualty number, every military strategy that was used, everything… “–the grounds where it takes place change, the guns used change, the reasons behind it change, the ones giving out the orders change, the ones going to war change… the battle scars on the other hand are timeless and nobody comes back unscathed” You bit your quivering lip and taking a deep breath you continued 

“You might be The First Avenger and a Super Soldier, while I bare no doubt Captain America will be ready to fight again whenever he gets the call, he’s not the one that I’m concerned about” You took a step closer until you were right under his stare “It’s you” You lovingly pressed your index finger on his chest, right above his heart “It’s Steven Grant Rogers, the scrawny boy from Brooklyn, that I’m here for.” He flinched at your mind-boggling revelation, his heart beating fast underneath your touch as he locked eyes with you… the consuming fire hidden behind your clear irises, the heartfelt truthfulness radiating from them…a sentiment even stronger than the one he got almost 70 years ago from the only other person that ever believed in him after Dr. Erskine…Margaret… He tried his best poker face, swallowing hard to keep his bubbling emotions at bay as you continued your speech

“He’s been through so much and yet he never broke a sweat about it. He’s the one that has lost everything that he cared about yet nobody looked up for him. He’s the one that needs to deal with the aftermath of those battles…” At that moment, something clicked, you rested your hands on his forearm as if anchoring yourselves to the ground, unsure of who needed it more,him or you

“Enhanced or not, nobody is perfect, the human mind and the emotions that surround it are too complex and the manner it handles trauma is just too unpredictable. Sadly, moments like this are scarce and usually end up clouded by them. You don’t have to talk to me but you should do it with someone, a medical professional perhaps if you prefer, before somebody gets hurt because you didn’t know how to deal with them” Your voice soft and soothing like a lullaby. His eyes not leaving yours, you feel his altered pulse on the palm of your hands. “So, after hearing me say that, let me ask you again. Are you ok?” You asked again, slightly moving your hands, hoping that maybe this time his answer would miraculously change

“I’m not sure…” He said letting out a breath that he didn’t know that he was holding, so did you “I want to be...” The sheepish look plastered on him caused your heart beat faster, knowing him backtracking meant only one thing: He let his tough guard down and opened up to you.

“You WILL be” You mimicked his expression “It’ll take time and it won’t be easy but I’ll be here to help you” A matching tear fell on both, but it would be a secret you’d take to your tomb. Your phone buzzed popping the bubble. He cleared his throat as you stepped back to check it, a text lit the screen…

-“I see you, Sluneční svit (sunshine)”-

You froze…Your blood went cold. Your mind went blank. Your heart pounded on your chest. Your face completely emotionless.

image  
It must be a distasteful joke, it can’t be true, he’s gone...You were pulled from your thoughts by Steve’s appeasing voice

“Wex? Is something wrong?” It was the first time he called you by your name, this was not the way you expected it to happen. Every cell of your body screamed 'ALERT!’, immediately switching your agent self on. You would assess this later but right now you had to take the lead and you trusted Steve enough for him to follow you, no questions asked…you hoped…

“Yes…” You mumbled, making him jolt in surprise by grabbing his right hand into your left and clinging to his arm as if holding for dear life. He didn’t have to be enhanced to sense your distress or to have known you for years to recognize that you were trying to cover it up behind an impossibly fake smile. He was a soldier and as such he straightened up his stance fully alert of any possible threats around them, keeping his eyes on your expressionless self

What is going on?“ He worriedly looked at you in search for any hint or clue, feeling you tense even more at his question, his protector side emerged, absentmindedly holding you tight against him. You needed to move, and it had to be fast. Meeting his gaze, one word left your lips…

"Walk”


	4. I See You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve learns the past has cruel ways to present itself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOUNDTRACK:  
> (Theme Song): Whatever it Takes- Imagine Dragons  
> (Chapter Song): Only One – The Score
> 
> CHAPTER WARNINGS: Mentions of blood, anxiety and PTSD. Mild cursing
> 
> –*—-*–  
> PREVIOUSLY:
> 
> “What is going on?” He worriedly looked at you in search for any hint or clue, feeling you tense even more at his question, his protector side emerged, absentmindedly holding you tight against him. You needed to move, and it had to be fast. Meeting his gaze, one word left your lips…
> 
> “Walk”  
> –*—-*–

Adrenaline was pumping on your veins, surroundings faded in the background as faces seemed blurred and your heart rate matched the fast pace of your steps. Your mind was running a thousand miles an hour, going over every single possibility to explain what had just happened. You absentmindedly held him tight until you felt your rationality taking over, reining in your fears back into their cage. The coldness evanishing from your body, embraced by his radiating heat. His warmth anchoring you to the ground until you were far away enough and a light caress on your hand reminded you to let go of the stranger’s arm that you were holding hostage. How did you get there? You were shocked to realize that not only had you relied on him but that he didn’t say anything, he didn’t brush you off either. He looked at you concerned evoking that way a true relief smile to show on you, he just nods. You are not sure how long it passed after that, you walked in silence until you felt that you had blended in the crowd just about the right way. Feeling your soul come back to you, you finally broke the silence…

“I’m sorry if I startled you, I–didn’t intend for that to happen as it most definitely was not on the plans… I thought someone was watching us” You stuttered as he intently looked at you “I–I just reacted on instinct. I honestly freaked out and I just clung to you like a freaking koala on a tree which it’s weird ‘cause I never behave like that…There’s just something about you that makes people feel safe around you...” You rushedily said with a huffed laugh at the end. Clearly flustered, willingly accepting that you had found comfort in the tall blonde man you just met a day ago, yet you seemed to share more in common with him than just a day-old acquaintanceship. “Please pardon me” Heat rose up your cheeks

“There’s nothing to apologize for” His kind smile calming your wracked nerves like magic “But–what actually happened back there?” He inquired as you halted. You slowly turned to face him, taking a deep breath before answering him

“I received a text message.” You passed your phone to him, the still unfamiliar device laid on the open palm of his hand, showing him the message

“ ‘Sluneční svit’ ?” He effortlessly read out loud the foreign words

“It means 'Sunshine’ in Czech.” You nervously fidgeted your fingers around as you took in his curious look, proceeding to further explain yourself “Someone that is no longer here used to call me that…And I thought that maybe–” You sighed, Steve catching up the possible underlying meaning of your words “–part of me wished to believe that there was a chance, but I know that it can’t be… It momentarily messed up my mind” You rambled as you swallowed a lump on your throat, taking your phone back from him

“Do you know who sent it?” His voice low and deep. Not wanting to press the matter.

“I don’t but I hate to play this kind of unsolicited games with strangers. Someone is out to get the mouse…good thing I’ve got my claws sharp… whoever sent it, I’ll find out…” You both smirked at your remark before he carried on his train of thought out loud

“I bare no doubt about that… But despite your attempted blank expression back there, I could feel your distress. You seemed pretty shaken up about it, are you sure that you are ok?”

The roles were now reversed. This question you could not answer the way your heart felt, nor the way your brain was begging you to express. This question bore more weight than what you could carry, there was just too much being kept at bay, thin fragile walls held back your ghosts, you simply dared not to open the floodgates. Yet, you knew better than to lie to him, so you let your guard down as much as you could, given the circumstances. 

“I appreciate your concern” You said with a gratitude smile “It’ll take more than a text to get under my skin and I’ve definitely been through worse than stalking…But, Like I said before, some things I dare not to speak so freely as of yet. Sadly, some things I can’t control… I was caught off guard, but It won’t happen again” You matter-of-factly said “However, today is not about me, it’s about you. I refuse to let a nameless moron to overshadow our day out, so what do you say if we leave my issues aside for now and we continue as planned?” You said, cordially pointing him the way 

“Lead the way” He answered following your lead, walking close next to you. Shaking off the feeling of an upcoming dread…

–*—-*–  
Bright lights, different styles of music coming from every direction, indistinguishable unknown voices at every corner, cologne and perfumes mixed on the air along with the smell of the recently baked goods from around the corner, people walking down the streets with Starbucks cups and High-End Brands’ shopping bags. You walked through the crowd, the previous experience being put at the back of your mind as you saw him not focusing on anything in specific but listening attentively to your animated explanation about every detail the city had to offer. You caught his wandering eye as he stood still, lost in thought 

“Earth to Steve?!” You moved your hands in front of him “Hey. Did you hear what I said?" 

"Yeah…” He shook his head 

“Whatcha thinking about?” You slightly tilted your head to the side

“Sorry?” He seemed to be somehow taken back by your question

“Your mind is clearly off to somewhere but here.”

“I…I do not know. Please pardon me. I know that you’re doing this for me but…”

“It’s ok Steve… You don’t have to justify how you feel to me. If it’s about what happened before, then shake it off. I promise that I can take care of myself and whatever that is, it’s got nothing to do with you… that much I do know… However I’ve got the feeling that’s not entirely it…” You looked at him examining his next features, a nod? Agreement? Acceptance? The hidden confusion on his eyes… You let out an almost silent gasp at the realization “The lights…” He flinched at the words “It’s seeing the light of day after a long time? Isn’t it? Everything seems to play in a flash blurred motion and white noise…”

“How do you…” He stuttered

“Because… Unfortunately, I know the feeling perhaps too well. Close your eyes for a moment, try to relax then open them up and concentrate on a focal point, make it your anchor. It helps…” His brows furrowed in confusion at your statement “I said it before… this world is different than what you used to know. Sadly, the worst cruelty can be hidden in plain sight and presents itself in the least expected ways… But we learn to live through it all” A hint of sorrow showed on his eyes as he rubbed his face, he wondered what could have possibly happened to someone like you to speak in such way but he dared not to ask you. As if sensing his uneasiness you carried on speaking

“There was no easy way to introduce you back, the faster we did it the better, just like ripping off a band-aid. I know how hard this can be, this was a possibility, so if you’re not feeling good we can always go back and get some rest. It’s up to you...”

“Thank You. I’ll keep that in mind but I prefer to be put up to date“

“Ok, but if at any point you change your mind just say the word. You know, there’s no such a thing as normalcy for people like us… bound to secrecy and danger in the pursuit of a greater good… but I like to fancy myself over the fact of being among the few fortunate ones with a still somehow blessed life. In more ways than we can account for”

“Who are you?“ He asked with clear interest etched on his voice, you hummed

"I’m just a lady friend with a fairly extensive ledger but with a hopeful outlook on our unconventional life”

"You’re a fine dame full of surprises, aren’t you?” His genuine smile giving you back part of something you thought lost… Was it happiness? Was it peace? You just couldn’t avoid to sincerely express your contentment to him

“Welcome to the new world Steve” You said in a relaxed but bubblish tone.

–*—-*–  
Steve walked behind you as you were about to enter an expensive looking clothing store “We made it! Here, we’ll check around for some things for you. Come take a look with me.”

“Let’s go!” He said after you, where you were received by the familiar greeting from the store’s staff

“Miss Wex! Welcome back!” A kind good looking saleswoman said “I see you brought a friend today” She coyly smiled at Steve

“Hello Gia! Good to see you too!” You turn towards a curious Steve, whispering “This is one of my recurrent places” Gia’s inquisitive look earned her a reprimanding glare from you “So, thank you for the warm welcome G, I know my way” You winked at her, to which she slowly retired to where she originally came from. A confused expression crossed Steve’s face at your interaction, oh there was so much that he needed to catch up on fast…

You confidently walked straight to the men’s section. Your focus locked on the bright colored shirts neatly displayed. 

“What do you think about this?” You waved a nice plain T-shirt in front of him

“It looks good I guess” A hint of hesitation on his voice

“Hmmm… What size are you?” You asked more for yourself than for him. 

“I’m not sure” It was unavoidable to laugh at his smug face

“How come you don’t know?… Ok, I’m gonna give ya’ the benefit of the doubt based on the change of times. But you seem to fit the criteria for a s-medium!” You were amused at the face he made as if he was trying to process what you just said

“Is that an actual size?” You do your best to not crack up at it as you didn’t want to offend him. You pull your lips inward for a second trying to swallow your laugh

“Not really” You gather up your poise to kindly answer him “Technically, you’re a Medium. However, your built allows for a size Small since it’d perfectly hug your frame” You explained him with an almost artistic motion of your hands

“Is this funny to you?” He said with quirked up lips, catching up on your playful vibes

“Maybe a little bit” You signed him “You can get one of each color. Except grey, white and black, get two of each since you can never get enough of those” You said helping him to pick up the items and throwing them in the basket

“Are you sure it isn’t too much?”

“Not for you” Your voice coming out in an undertone, keeping the expensive price tags out of the equation, enjoying seeing an oblivious Steve having a normal shopping experience. “Let’s check the shirts section” You could swear that you were more excited than him as you were almost swaying with him around the place. This was after all, a pleasure he deserved to have. And you, well it’s been a while since the last time that you allowed yourself personal leisure time. You placed a beautifully made navy blue shirt on top of him that seemed to pop his ocean blue eyes.

“Wow! Blue is definitely your color!” Wide smirk splattered on him matching yours. “I’m so getting you more of these and maybe some plaids too. Why don’t you take a look around while I do that? We’ll buy anything you want”

“Anything?” 

“Anything…” You arched your brow in response. “What?” You asked him seeing his somewhat intriguing look

“Nothing… it’s just that I didn’t see you like someone like this…” His hands motioning your way

“Like what?” Furrowing your eyes and shaking your head “Just say it, I won’t chew your head off!” You laughed at his smirk

“A dame enjoying such activities…”

“You mean shopping? Well… I might have a very interesting job but I’m still a 25 years old woman with a life outside work. Hence why I’ll take any chance I get at a glimpse of such platitudes” Whatever happened from now and on, the wide grin he had on was more than worth all the efforts.

You walked away redirecting your attention towards the kind staff assisting you. You got distracted between corduroy and knitted sweaters. A few minutes passed by before you looked for him only to be met with a sight that broke your heart.

The tall broad man stood in front of a headless mannequin displaying a shiny brown leather jacket but his sight was fixated on the reflection on the mirror behind, where it looked as if he was wearing the item. An unknown déjà vu to you that didn’t need to be told to be understood. The longing and uncertainty projected on his cerulean orbs said everything that you needed to know. 

“Do you like it?” You asked him as you stood next to him

“Hhm?” 

“You were staring at it. Why don’t you try it on?”

“Oh…no. I don’t know”

“Anything you want, remember?”

You motioned to the saleswoman to take it off the mannequin “You deserve this and more Steve. Don’t dare to think otherwise” You said helping him to put it on. “Wow! You look amazing! If I wasn’t fangirling before I definitely am now!” You grinned as he stared as his reflection again this time with a smile and a blush on

“So, you’re my fan?” He teased you

“I think we covered that the first day!? Didnt we?" 

"Right…You don’t have to do this”

“I want to. I told you not to worry, there’s a lot more of me that you don’t know yet…” He quizzed unsure of what you meant by it. You approached him from behind, slowly pressed your hands on his shoulders while looking him on the eyes through the reflection on the mirror

“Whenever you wear this, I want you to remember that you are a good man that deserves all the happiness that the world has to offer you and no chains will ever bring you down” Your voice almost cracked at the end as you watched his eyes water “And this is not agent Wexler speaking, this is coming from your friend Rose”

“Thank You…” He muttered with a husky tone. Two words filled with emotions

He took it off putting it on the basket. “Sure you don’t want to keep it on?” He just nodded no “Ok… now come here” You slightly pulled him by the arm towards the personal care section. As you were walking there you passed by the underwear aisle. 

“What is over there?” You stopped for a second stealing a glance at where he pointed at. You cleared your throat

“That- we won’t go there… not today. That’s the undergarments section” You finished with a blush matching Steve's strawberry colored cheeks. “If you need them you can get them later… by yourself” You emphasized the latter laughing. But you weren’t kidding. Some things you were not doing, not even for him. 

“Right…”

“Now, This is what I meant when I said a wide variety of items” You extended your arms towards the ample display of men’s cologne, deodorants and facial care items.

“What is all that?” He stuttered in shock

“That my dear friend are our world’s hardest choices…what do you want to smell like? A question you now have to answer about soap, cologne, shaving cream, after shave lotion, deodorant… wait. Do you even sweat?”

“Sometimes… yes I do.” Oh, Steve Rogers does know how to tease. No book no report teaches you that…

“So, do you know the answer? What does Mr. Rogers likes? Musk? Cedar? Citrics?” You were too fixed on finding everything on your mental 'Steve Needs This’ list that you missed the moment when he slowly moved closer to you, his hand resting on your lower back, making you flinch as you felt his breath on your ear. 

“Why are people looking at us?” He said as if he was being watched in an undercover mission. You cracked a smile “Why are you laughing?” God you’d pay to capture this priceless moment! Despite being entranced on your task at hand, you had still caught the not so subtle stares thrown your way, mainly from women, you simply chuckled at their bluntness. You were sure that 1940’s women were not so straightforward yet you found amusing how Steve still wasn’t used enough to such attentions. 

“Steve… they’re not looking at us… they’re looking at you. And before you freak out, nobody knows Cap is alive yet. I’d say it’s got a lot to do with you being well you.” He didn’t seem to get what you were saying “I mean the tall, muscular, blue eyed blonde handsome you.” He sighed relaxing without letting you go. Thanks to his close proximity, to the strangers’ eyes you were more than friends. A thought that was unexpectedly assessed by one of the store’s employee’s herself

“You make such a lovely couple! Is there anything that I can help you with today?” The oblivious girl said, heat filling your cheeks as Steve cleared his throat. Not wanting to 'throw off’ your newly found 'cover’ you thanked her instead of correcting her.

“Thank You… Anne” You read on her name tag “We are good!” As she went her way you turned to see a deeply blushed Steve covering his mouth with a hand while resting the other one on his hip. 

“That was unexpected. I guess we got a cover” He said with a spark on his eyes that you hadn’t seen before and hence you could not exactly pinpoint what it mean.

You were thoroughly enjoying your time together, oblivious to the rest of the world, ignoring the fact that he was the awoken miracle and you his mysterious handler. Recovering your composure you focused on your task of getting anything and everything that caught your eye, trying to explain it all to him for several minutes. He did his best to give you his undivided attention but sadly you knew that wasn’t the case. Although, you unintentionally dismissed his concerns about being watched as the plain prying eyes of flirty women, there was something off that you couldn’t ignore and your agent persona started to peek out at the surface. Maybe he wasn’t fully wrong after all.

\--*—-*–  
Not that far away from you, a wicked smile was drawn on the figure hidden in plain sight, the long distance camera lense capturing in pixels your every move...

–*—-*–  
Once you had multiple baskets full of a wide variety of men apparel and other necessities, you reached the counter. You checked upon a distressed Steve who seemed lost somewhere in a shape across the room. Your eyes attempting to follow his line of vision until falling onto a hoodied person…

–*—-*–  
Seeing the blue eyed blonde striding up fast and believing to have been caught, marching forth as fast as possible was the only way out no matter if colliding with a few other passerbys had to be done…

–*—-*–  
“Hey, you ok there?” Just as you said those words he hurriedly exited the store chasing after his object of intent. You muttered something to the cashier before running after him. 

“Steve wait!”

Your mind racing at an alarming rate…What was happening? Who on earth was that person? Was it the same one that just texted you earlier? Did someone else find out about Rogers? A hundred unanswered questions that made your heart rate go wild, you kept running discreetly reaching out to the blade safely secured on the inside of your pants’ waistband, readying for a fight that you didn’t want to have

“ROGERS!” You basically yelled at him, eventually getting to him a few stores down. As you assimilated the scene that was unfolding, you prudently returned your weapon to its safe place. For the second time of the day you were left utterly speechless. 

“I’m deeply sorry for the misunderstanding Ma'am.” You barely heard him say to the surprised woman, his hands in surrender as if showing that he intended to do no wrong to her. You watched her go away leaving a shaken Steve behind

"Hey! Rogers! What’s wrong? You left me back there!“ You called his name with clear exasperation as you slowly touched his forearm to get his attention

“I wanted to come back but I couldn’t” He said sighing 

"What are you talking about?” You frowned in despair. It didn’t take a genius to catch the eerily similarities between the unknown female and certain brunette agent from the past. You didn’t need to have known the guy for a decade to see how he obviously wasn’t himself, his eyes were lost and he answered with another question while grabbing your left wrist in a tight grip.

“I know you wanted an army but you just got me! But, why am I not enough for you?” Anger and frustration marking his every word, not waiting for your answer, he tightened his grip on you even more. Your eyes wide as saucers

“What? Ok, clearly something is wrong with you right now.. Steve! It’s me Wexler!” Hearing you calling his name in a soft endearing way seemed to make him react, finally letting you go. You rubbed the red marks left on as you watched all the color drain from his face

“I–I don’t …” He mumbled as he processed what he just did

“I don’t mind if you don’t want to talk to me but your denial can cause a lot of harm”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He asked with a shaky voice and a disoriented expression, then something clicked on you… 

“Oh my god… You thought she was HER and I….” You said almost like a whisper, putting the pieces together

“What?” 

"Rogers, I am truly sorry about it but not everyone had the same luck as you did. What you think you are seeing it’s just part of the problem, a piece of your past entwined with reality… Mental health studies and treatment have improved on recent years, especially on veterans. Now, these symptoms and tangled emotions they have a name and a treatment…”

“You don’t know…" Confusion written all over him. 

"I never said I do… Just the fact that you seem to be going through a hard time and maybe, whether you want to admit it or not, the war and your awakening are taking a toll on you…” you sighed at the development of things

“You have no idea how that was like. Or how I am feeling right now. I–I was supposed to stay there… Just because your father talked to you about me it doesnt mean that you understand it all” As soon as the words left his mouth instant regret flooded his senses. He knew he did wrong but he was not fully in control at the moment. You dropped your jaw, shock and incredulity written over you, in a split second you were snapped back to reality

“Im sorry… it slipped… i shou–” He didn’t get to finish as you slapped him across the face

“You don’t get to take it back! You don’t know anything about what I’ve lost or what I’ve been through…” You couldn’t hold the tears back as you took in a deep breath “...Im sorry that because of it I can recognize when someone is in need of help and Im so sorry to be so stupid as to care for your defrozen ass!!” You were always kind, always poised, but this time a line had been crossed. He had hit a nerve

“Wex…” He begged for a chance at redemption. You slapped him again

“NO! I shoulda run the second your name was brought in but I didn’t. And I finally know now.” You paused for a second as you watched him rub his jaw “Years ago, someone died because of my selfishness to admit that I needed help… I know that I’m walking the wire but I cant watch you walk straight into the same spiral as I did because I’m afraid that someone will get hurt and you will hate yourself for the rest of your life" You basically yelled at him

"I had no idea…”

“How could you…? Get your head out of your ass Captain Rogers. You’re alive and you’re here, it wasn’t your choice neither was mine. It sucks but you’re stuck with us but even so, right now you got both of your hands on the wheel and THAT...that’s a privilege that I didn’t have” You were hurt more than you expected, you turned on your heels. His eyes were full of remorse as he tried to stop you from leaving

“Please… I am so so sorry…." 

"I seriously dont want to make a worse scene than I already did. Please feel free to roam around without me, I’m sure you can figure out your way back but I don’t have to stay just to watch you question me… not you too” One last push and you were gone

The roman leader Julius Caesar once said: “No one is so brave that he is not disturbed by something unexpected” He didn’t mention the extension of such disturbance…

“WEXLER!”

The loud crash behind him mad him turn around immediately. Everyone on the sideway stopped what they were doing, quickly gathering in a circle around you. Regret does not cover the full extension of what enveloped him at that moment, bright crimson soaked into your white top, the loud sound of whimpers and laboured breaths. Blood staining the pavement and pooling at his feet...


	5. Hurricane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emotions are running high... But as a new face joins the scene, more pieces of the puzzle are added to understand Rose’s reactions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOUNDTRACK:  
> (Theme Song): Whatever it Takes- Imagine Dragons  
> (Chapter Song): Hurricane- Fleurie
> 
> CHAPTER WARNINGS: Mentions of blood, brief graphic descriptions of severe injuries,SELF-HARM attempt, anxiety and PTSD. If any of these trigger you, please read with caution.
> 
> PREVIOUSLY:
> 
> “WEXLER!”  
> The loud crash behind him made him turn around immediately. Everyone on the sideway stopped what they were doing, quickly gathering in a circle around you. Regret does not cover the full extension of what enveloped him at that moment, bright crimson soaked into your white top, the loud sound of whimpers and laboured breaths. Blood staining the pavement and pooling at his feet  
> \--*—-*–

Soft jazz music played on the background while an intoxicating smell of fresh brewed coffee and baked goods filled the space. The front door opened, you walked in searching for someone and just a few steps in, you found her, casually sitting on a corner booth. A honey-eyed brunette with soft shoulder-length curls, was quietly sipping on a latte while reading a Nicholas Sparks book. She briefly averted her eyes from it right on time to see you walking towards her.

“I'm glad you made it” She said setting her book aside watching you take a seat “I kinda of heard what happened. How are you holding up?” She asked with a sweet soothing voice 

“I've been better. You know, out of thousands of crazy scenarios I could be involved in due to my job...I don’t know, an explosion? A gunshot? A stab wound maybe? Geez! Even falling of a building would do. But a sidewalk crash in the middle of Times Square?! Really?? What are the odds of that to happen anyways?” You chuckled at the irony of it 

“Well...I hate numbers but they never lie...Such incidents are not as uncommon as you think. According to the NHTSA, there were around 618 pedalcyclist deaths in 2010 accounted for 2 percent of all traffic fatalities during the year.” She candidly stated

“Okay… that’s disturbing but thanks for the data.” You pointed “Thank you for meeting me on such short notice” 

“Of course. You know that you can always count on me” The most comforting smile reached her lips as you watched the waitress serve you a cup of coffee; which you thanked her

“I hope you don’t mind, I ordered it for you. Vanilla latte with soy milk, two of sugar and a dash of cinnamon.” 

“Just how I like it” You said closing your eyes and carefully taking a sip of the delicious morning treat, low key moaning in delight at the flavory drink going down your throat “Thank you! I can’t live without coffee” You opened your eyes with a wide grin

“Now, tell me sis, what has happened?” 

“I'd say it's quite the turmoil right now. I--I've been having flashbacks again” You confessed, fidgeting your fingers

“Did something trigger that up?” She intently looked at you

“A place I was in...It reminded me of back then and I saw him” You paused for a moment with a flicker of pain at the memory “...In the shadows, I saw him— his bloodied face, his big pleading eyes, my breath hitched...I lost it..” You anxiously bit the inside of your cheek, uncomfortably shifting on your seat as she examined your face

“That has happened before, but I haven’t seen you so shaken about it, so what changed this time around?” 

“I--I froze…” You stuttered “I almost screwed it up this time...it was a really close call. And to make things better, I couldn’t bat an eye! I woke up before sunrise, just to find myself at the gym destroying punching bags while daydreaming about one of the most traumatic memories from my childhood” You let out a humorless laugh, knowing that she already knew what you meant by it

“Your parents” She mumbled “We’ve talked about this. Memory it’s a complex process and unfortunately, add PTSD, GAD or any other mental health condition to the equation and, put into simple words, all hell breaks loose. Whenever you’re on distress or if your brain senses danger it’ll automatically activate your fight-or-flight system, which can manifest in different ways and sometimes you’ll just freeze up on spot. As long as you continue on your current line of duty, there’s always going to be the possibility of such episodes to occur. However, I get the feeling that those particular events were not exactly what made you contact me with such sense of urgency.” She matter-of-factly said

“You know me well enough…” You chuckled “ I opened up the box” You haltingly said

“Oh, well that explains it. it’s been a while since the last time you did it. Why did you do it? And I mean the actual motivation behind it”

“Reassurance” Confusion etched on her expression at your answer “I had to remind myself the reason why I’m still doing what I do... I promised it to him” A flicker of remembrance, guilt and anguish showed into your eyes, every word was imprinted on your mind till the end of your days...

** *** **  
The tight and heavy chains held him up in place... his hands above his head as blood ran down his arms, falling onto what was left of what was once his uniform, and his feet were barely touching the floor. Asymmetrical shaped scars at different stages of healing carved across his face and torso, were the telling marks of a horrifying story. Their months long stay at the dark and humid basement and the excruciating torture at the hands of their captors, had finally pushed them both to their limits.

“Moje Sluneční svit (‘my sunshine’)....” he said in his deep British accent, struggling to keep his head up

“Jsem tady (‘Im here’), moje láska (‘my love’)” You answered through dry lips, seated in front of him, right on the cold floor with your hands hopelessly cuffed to the wall. All the while trying to fight off the forever present drowsiness of whatever drug that they had injected you with, baring wounds of your own

“I’m sorry...” Confusion flooded your mind, not knowing what could he possibly have to be sorry about “I- I couldn't get you out of here...” 

“Hey, it’s not your fault… it never was...” A treacherous tear fell down your face as he managed a small lopsided smile, you were stubborn and he loved that of you...

“I know this will be hard for you but if it comes to it...”

“Please don’t say it… ” you felt the next sentence coming

“I have to Emmy...we both know it, we’ve been trained for this and you cannot fail beautiful. You’ll run as far away as possible, leaving all of this behind...” His husky voice wavered

“No, please no… don’t talk as if you’re not gonna make it through!” You yelled at him, feeling the fresh tears falling

“Promise me darling, you WILL NOT let this to hold you back. Whatever that happens, you won’t hurt yourself never again, not over this not over anything… because you’re the strong-willed, lovable, kind-hearted and smart woman I love. The Rose that WILL THRIVE… Promise me...” He begged, love and sheer determination on his eyes, a wide range of emotions reflected

“I...I...” You stuttered

“PROMISE ME damn it!” Tears of his own streaming down his cheeks

“I promise...” You sobbed. He never begged, he never cried, he never broke down, but at that moment he did. You felt your heart constrict on your chest, a piercing pain shooting through your body. You wished the chains would disappear, you ached to hug him tight against you, to take his hands and run but it would never happen, your past made sure of it. A gloomy future was ahead of you both and the dubious ending was fast approaching.   
** *** **  
You tried to shake it off, but failed miserably at hiding the bubbling emotions it always brings 

“It’s never easy to let go...we all need a reason to carry on Rose. But there’s no magic solution to overcome trauma. Your circumstances have been far different than mine after all, however you’re no stranger to the inner workings of the various coping methods that I’ve taught you throughout the years. Although there are still a few more things that I’d like to try with you on our sessions.” She calmly said, while your mind replayed in slow motion every single piece of advise that you had received from her… You once again absentmindedly touched your wrist. She noticed it...

“I know that, I’m such an emotional wreck and I seriously need that, just not today Ames...” You sighed, then sipped on your cup again, enjoying the sweet caffeine aftertaste lingering on your mouth 

“Then why am I here today? Cuz I’m sure that Something made you look for that reassurance and it weren’t the flashbacks nor the memories. Plus, my cheap pep talk can pretty much be found online for free” You laughed at the straightforwardness of hers that you were so fond of.

“That cheap pep talk as you called it… has saved my life. But you’re right, most of my issues I can work them up myself and we’ll definitely talk more later on. Nonetheless, I feel that someone else might need you more than I do.”

“Ok, so if not you then who is the lucky one?” She raised an eyebrow, behind her characteristic glasses, waiting for your answer 

“My childhood hero is back in the flesh. Not only he’s alive but he’s under my supervision as well” You nervously bounced your leg under the table while trying to keep a poker face on.

“You mean that certain Greek God looking blue eyed blonde captain that we’ve talked so much about?” She blushed mischievously drinking her coffee. You hummed

“Right…”

“Wow. I didn’t see that one coming.” She smirked “That complicates things, doesn’t it?”

“It literally throws my life into a loop...I open-handedly slapped the man across the face!” You downturned your head lowering your voice

“You did WHAT?” She whispered-yelled at you “Why?” She dumbfoundedly stared at you

“Firstly, I didn’t mean it. Secondly, something was wrong with him, he wasn’t himself...” Your mind briefly going back “He said things, he did things..I know it was completely out of character of me and a bitchy move on my end” You calmly explained but still with clear annoyance at your own actions marked on your voice “I slapped him because I had no choice...I couldn’t go all smackdown on him on public risking to attract any more unwanted attention than it did, specially not when he is who he is and the entire world is still in the dark about his return.” 

“You didn’t want to risk his identity and safety, that’s understandable...but that’s not the only reason why you did it, was it? I mean, you’re Rose Wexler! As wrong as this might sound ...but you’ve got the means and the money to make anything disappear, plus you’re a high ranking agent with access to unimaginable resources. To Ensure his anonymity and protection wouldn’t be an issue to y’all” She could read you, perhaps too well

“Sometimes I just forget how good you are” You huffed and continued “His nonsensical out of context mumbling, his erratic behavior, his eyes...That glazed over look...He wasn’t there “A”. Maybe I imagined it, maybe I’m finally losing my mind or maybe it was real...But I certainly saw how whatever that was eating at him, it deeply affected him” You paused “I know that look” You almost whispered the last part

“So, you think he needs me… It makes sense, given his circumstances --which I absolutely know nothing about--” You shared a complicit look

“I really thought that I was ready to deal with this but I-...I’m heavily overwhelmed and for the first time in a long time... I’m seriously afraid to - please pardon my language here- - to fuck it up”

“THE Rose Wexler afraid of failure? I thought I wouldn’t live to see that day!” She teased you making you give a small chuckle. Her sweet banterful face immediately changing into one full of tender comprehension “There’s absolutely nothing wrong with feeling vulnerability, that’s what makes us human, good human beings. Without emotions we would be nothing but empty robots and there is no fun on that” She smiled, reminiscing on their earlier college days and their love for robotics and science.

“You have your way with words, don’t you? That’s why I reached out to you…”

“In that case, you know I've got no problem to help him. It'll be a privilege as matter of fact. However, you know this even better than me, the real question is does he want to be helped?”

You blinked… Did he? Did he really wanted to be helped? What if you were losing your time? What if no bridge could be build up between his past and the present? Was if she was right? She couldn’t be, because that would only mean you have a big headache ahead of you. For a moment you went back to what happened just a mere few hours ago...

** *** **  
“WEXLER!”

You heard him calling you. You didn’t have time to react, a bicycle inadvertently lost control and collided with a few others on the side, going straight to some passersby on the streetwalk, right in front of you. Bright crimson soaked into your white top, the loud sound of whimpers and laboured breaths rang in your ears. The fresh blood staining the pavement, pooling at his feet. 

Your still adrenaline-pumped system, made you blink your eyes wide open, you whimpered at the burning sting on your most likely dislocated shoulder, something that you willingly ignored for the time being. You managed to sit up as you looked down at your damped clothes, feeling the familiar red substance on, you touched yourself as a reflex checking for any fatal wounds, although you already sensed that you didn’t have any. What on earth happened? A fast overview of the fallen victims gave you quite a clear assessment of the severity of the incident. It was pretty bad, there were shopping bags and personal items spread everywhere, the few bicycles involved were basically piled up one on top of another, surrounded by shock, confusion and the unintelligible shouting of the injured. Bicyclists held their clearly scraped knees and elbows, many others had minor scratches and bruises, while others suffered some serious injuries, including cuts and broken bones. A few, fortunate unharmed ones, remained seated down on the floor or as bystanders trying to get out of their daze. 

An unknown man laying down next to you, slowly recovered his conscience letting out a loud pained scream. A nasty cut adorned the left side of his head, an exposed fractured arm, displayed his bone in an awkward position and an artery was obviously severed as its contents covered you like a fountain. And he wasn’t the only one in similar condition. As an instinct kicked in, you took off the man’s scarf and made a tourniquet with it, trying to stop the profuse bleeding

“Sir, p-please stay with me ok?” You said with a slight trembling voice, while shaking off any remnants of disorientation “You!” You pointed at an open-mouthed girl standing to your right “CALL 9-1-1 NOW!” She did as told as you tried to press on his head wound too. 

“Wex! Are you ok?” You heard his voice, but your focus was tunneled on the site now as your medical training kicked in, an almost hypnotic state that was only broken when you felt him kneel next to you. 

“MOVE! Everyone make room for the EMTs! These people need air, so unless you have some basic first aid knowledge you’d like to apply, if you are uninjured and you can walk, then I kindly suggest you to please move out of the way!” You ordered with calmness but dominance, at that moment you turned to look at him. Regret does not cover the full extension of what enveloped him at that moment, but there was nothing that you could do for him. You didn’t need to say a word, he nodded as he stood up into action checking on other vics. At least another two among the crowd rushed to help, a hectic mess, that was the best way to describe the scene playing in front of you. What seemed like hours were barely minutes, loud sirens quickly approached from the distance and were soon arriving at the scene.

You could still feel the warm crimson liquid slipping in between your fingers, covering half your body and engulfing you in its distinctive metallic smell, a dull pain still throbbing in your shoulder. Your mind was fogged over as you tried to process what had happened... You stood up looking Steve crouched over comforting a little boy as the paramedics examined his mother, with that image on mind you zipped up your jacket, shoving your dirtied hands on its pockets and quickly walked away as fast as possible getting lost in the crowd in a matter of seconds. You heard him calling your name but you didn’t turn back...

** *** **  
Your thoughts were interrupted by her soft voice---

“...Rose? Are you there?” Her voice slowly made you come out of the daze that you seemed to be immersed on

“I’m sorry... I have a lot to think about”

“Yeah... I gathered that much. I’ve known you for what? over 10 years now? soooo could you please tell me why there’s a glint of guilt on your eyes?”

“What? ...How?...” Your eyes widened with surprise, you thought for a second before you touched your face, lightly resting your jaw on your thumb and index finger “I left him...” You faltered “I mean, I told ‘Grant’ ” As you had come to call him while on public… “to find his own way back and then after the whole situation happened I just went home to wash the blood off of me… I didn’t even look back…”

“So, you feel that you abandoned him?”

“That’s one way to put it” You emotionlessly said, biting on your lower lip “I’m such a terrible person!” You sighed

“Oh Wexie! you didn’t bail out on him. You’re the kind of person that puts her sense of duty above her own well-being. And the man we’re talking about is a highly trained soldier, more than capable of taking care of himself. A remarkable man at that. You had a completely normal emotional response after suffering an incredible amount of distress in a short period of time.” She calmly said

“Rationalizing this doesn’t make me feel any better” You said checking the time on your watch “And now, here I am, hoping he got my message instead of running away when he had the chance”

“History shows he is anything but a coward. The extends that he went to in order to save others… He might be the “new guy in town” but I’m sure that he understands the implications of his comeback and he’d never put you or anyone at risk by making a rash hot-headed decision. We both know how hard things can get, we’ve been there before. But one thing I do know...He WILL be there” You nodded, Steve’s integrity was not something you would ever doubt about. Yet the guilt that you carried with you was heavier than bricks and stones

“What?” You asked as you noticed her slightly tilted head to the side with small narrowed eyes, which in addition with her glasses she was looking almost like a cute puppy. “Why am I getting the feeling that there’s something that you’re not telling me?” She asked making you sigh as tears pricked your eyes “Hey… what happened? You know that you can tell me anything…” She said reaching out to hold your hand on hers. How do you openly recognize how broken you felt? How do you transform into words the indescribable? You didn’t know, but you had to try…

“I crumbled…” You whispered as a few tears made their way out. You strongly gripped her hand while you struggled to form sentences coherent enough to explain what went down behind your closed doors. The mental picture of such events that crossed your mind heavily pained on your heart...

** *** **  
You hadn’t mind to walk down, your legs still woobled at the adrenaline slowly leaving your body, yet you needed the air. A busy city like New York didn’t pay attention at all at another distraught face lost among the sea of people. Each one lost into their own worries and troubles, nobody would notice the red spots trail that you were leaving behind you, not that you were thinking at all anyways. Your brain was a blank space functioning on autopilot with just one command on, “get home”.

You had barely managed to get to your place, not S.H.I.E.L.D’s HQ’s but your own acquisition bought by your own pocket. You blended in into the busy streets but it couldn’t be said the same of your building. As you walked in with a clearly strained faced, dirty clothes and disheveled hair, the eyes of your bellboy and a few other residents were all on you. You felt their burning stare behind your back, to any outsiders it looked like just another walk of shame being done, but to you it represented defeat. Never before were you so thankful of taking an empty elevator. 

You jiggled your thumb across the digital lock, opening it up and closing it up in one fast motion, you removed your boots at the entrance and walked all the way down into your bathroom. You zipped down your jacket and dropped it down on a hamper, then you froze at the image reflected on the mirror...your now ruined top was sticked to your skin, traces of dried blood were on your cheek and neck, fainting purple marks on your wrist and disheveled hair. With shaky hands you took off a pair of scissors from a drawer and cut the top off of you, letting the pieces fall in the floor, staying only with your bra on. As you stared at it, a rogue tear fell leaving a wet trail on your scarlet covered hand. You felt being pulled back into the past, when you knelt next to their bodies, a flash of that pain tugged at your heart… For the first time in the longest time, you thought about doing it again, you held the scissors in a strong grip and pondered on whether or not to slash your wrist but you couldn’t do it… because you had promised him not to do it ever again. Without hesitation you threw them on the counter as you pressed your hands over your chest, right on top of your thumping heart. You slided down the wall while your hyperventilation took over you… you were having a panic attack

As your uncontrollable sobbing turned into soft sniffles, you wiped your tears with the back of your hand. Somehow, despite all strength being spent, you managed to stand up and to step into the shower. You let the hot water run, washing away the remnants of the turbulent day. The reddish brown water slowly going down the drain carrying away your burdens. Why were you always crying in the dark? Was Fury right about what he said to you on that stupid call? Were you really going to lose it all over the unknown pull pushing you towards him? Self-doubt, the one thing you always made sure to never break through your defenses, Nick had managed to put it inside your head in matter of seconds. Everything that you had worked so hard for was slowly crumbling down on you...

** *** **  
As you finished telling her your story tears were freely falling down on you both. 

“Never again hesitate to reach me out…” Her voice wavered “You’re not alone and you’re not to carry those heavy burdens in the darkness… I’ll always be here for you” She said in a soft meaningful tone. Those words held so much meaning to you. The truth and promise on her voice, you had experienced them before. She then slipped a card out of her bag, placing it in front of you “I’ll be there for him too” Now you could only hope that it’d work. You picked up the card and put inside your pocket

“I’ll never be able to repay you” You said with a smile on wiping off the remaining tears on your cheeks, getting ready to leave

“Neither will I” 

“I gotta go...thank you again” You stood up giving her one last hopeful look as she waved you goodbye

\---*---*---*---  
Her words resounded on your mind, firm resolution on what your next steps would be now. Fury had entrusted you a heavy task, but you knew better. Despite his hurtful but nonetheless still somehow truthful words, he’d never let a load heavier than what you could carry to fall over your shoulders. If anything, you would use that and turn it into motivation to keep going on. With that on mind on reinvigorated spirits you went on your way.

As the moment came closer your breath hitched and you could literally feel your heart pumping fast on your chest. Last minute decision and not wanting unnecessary attention so early in the morning, you choose to enter through the private access instead. 

With your feet restlessly bouncing up and down your take a deep breath just as the elevator doors opened…  
\--*—-*–


	6. Till the end

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confrontation was unavoidable... Now it was the time to set the cards on the table and what better way that blowing off some steam?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOUNDTRACK:  
> (Theme Song): Whatever it Takes- Imagine Dragons  
> (Chapter Song): Till the end - Sam Tinnez
> 
> CHAPTER WARNINGS: Brief mentions of blood, anxiety and PTSD
> 
> PREVIOUSLY:  
> As the moment came closer your breath hitched and you could literally feel your heart pumping fast on your chest. Last minute decision and not wanting unnecessary attention so early in the morning, you choose to enter through the private access instead. 
> 
> With your feet restlessly bouncing up and down your take a deep breath just as the elevator doors opened…

There he stood… 

Just like personified perfection, slightly ruffled blond hair and chiseled jaw with a light dash of morning glow, dressed in plain grey sweatpants, white t-shirt and white converse… You briefly allowed yourself to drift away into dreamland at the fine sight in front of you… ‘Oh, how it should be a sin to look like that!’. You were quickly brought back down to earth by your own little nagging conscience ‘C'mon Wex! Snap out of it!’ . All the while he was anxiously waiting on the couch of the common lounge. 

“Good Morning Captain!” You said making him jump out of his seat

“Hh--Hi” He stuttered “How are you? I looked up for you everywhere I could. ” He was being honest, you could see it on his eyes

“Captain Rogers, please pardon me if I decline to give you the answers that you need. But I’m in no position to do so at the moment. For now, we’re moving to the PFT (Physical Fitness Test) Room” You said as you walked towards the elevator once again “We’ll be conducting a typical military conditioning to check our general physical health. You know the drill, run some miles, some sit ups and push ups to the max..., except this time around technological medical equipment will be involved for additional assessment. Please, pay attention to the physician’s instructions.”

He opens his mouth as if trying to say something but no words come out. He soldiers up and does as he was told, as he watches you walk away. Oh that was becoming a thing now...

Of course that time flies by extremely slow whenever you need it to pass by faster. The general fitness testing became eternal (although it was only a matter of minutes and your results were always above average) and the muscles, that you didn’t remember you have, felt slightly burn after the VO2max and the Astrand Treadmill Tests (You guessed that your most recent back-to-back missions with no time to rest had played a significant role into your overworked self). You had at least 3 different needle stings from the required extensive exams and additional blood work. Steve had his own slice of the cake to deal with, proving that he was sane and fit and not a risk to society was not an easy task. His road was definitely longer than yours.

“Outstanding”, that’s the only word that Dr.Rawlings was able to say after checking his results, to his surprise yours were oddly close, too much to his liking but he dared not to say a word about it. Yet, the sympathetic edgy doctor couldn’t hold in a few thoughts of his own. He was ,after all, the Head doctor on Rogers’ case, that was an achievement by itself...

“I may be out of place here but I think that there’s something that you should know...” Dr. Rawlings said to Steve, who carefully looked at him “Many came to see you before her, you know, when you were still unconscious...But she was the only one that actually cared about you”

“I beg your pardon?” Steve asked not understanding what he meant

“When they brought you back, many were only interested on whether or not you would wake up. I guess your name would greatly cover the headlines. Yet, She inquired me about your mental state and overall health while taking notes on every possible scenario that could arise when breaking the news to you.” Steve was speechless at the revelation. Dr.Rawlings couldn’t but let out a small laugh “Excuse my bluntness here Captain, since I ignore the depth of your association with her but If I’d be you I’d hold onto it. Not everyday you get such level of interest from someone, specially not here” With that he walked away from him as he arched his eyebrow in astoundment, processing the information he was told. ‘Was this really happening? What are S.H.I.E.L.D’s real intentions? What was the real story behind Wexler?’ That last question plagued his mind. He saw her cry in front of him, she openly told him her motivation and she didn’t hesitate to be honest with him, the last person that ever treated him like himself he let her go back in ‘45. Yet, something was missing. There was a piece of the puzzle that was not fitting in the right place and he didn’t know which one yet. 

His thoughts were cut short when his eyesight traveled across the room, landing straight on you. You were talking with someone that seemed to have caught your attention, he could see your intently look on your face. There were clear signs of the strenuous activities that you had both been exposed to, a cute slightly flushed face and hardly tousled hair, the way the workout clothes hugged your curves… he refused to let his eyes wander any lower, he might have been born in a different time but he unintentionally found himself caving in to the improper thoughts but as fast as they came they left. When he finally saw the man walk away, he decided to come up to you. You were wiping the sweat of your forehead, his own towel loosely hung at the back of his neck

“Hey…! Just talked with Dr. Rawlings. He said everything is looking right, which it’s great news. It means that there’s nothing to worry about with you so far. At least in terms of biological health and physical fitness” You emotionlessly said “We are done here, however there’s somewhere else that we must go to. Grab your bag and follow me.” You matter-of-factly said picking up your small gym bag over your shoulder, walking past Steve but not even making eye contact with him, unknowingly dismissing the regret peeking through his ocean eyes. But life ain’t easy, is it? There was something that you hated even more than a confrontation and that was having to forcefully do so when you weren’t ready. Today seemed to be one of those times. Oh holy elevators...

“Are you going to accept my apologies?” He said with his gaze on the floor

“For what exactly are you even apologizing for?” The implication of your words made the wheels turn around on his mind and you watched his mouth agape, all thoughts out the window. It just made the nagging feeling on your stomach to knot even more as you saw the numbers on the panel, the floors descending at an agonizingly slow pace, at least on your eyes…

...11...

...9...

...Oh, God…

“I - - I’m deeply sorry. I have no words to express myself over what I said and did...” You sighed, this was it...

“I have apologize for my rudeness as well… I know that everything happened in the blink of an eye but...Do you- -do you even know why I left?” You saw shock and confusion through his eyes, but it quickly went away. Silence and tension suffocated the air, sometimes it’s better to embrace that reticence than saying the wrong thing.

…5...almost there...

...3… breath in, breath out Rose...

You were never so grateful on your life hearing the doors open, you finally reached the underground parking lot. You watched him stare at you with eyes wide open as you carefully open the door of your black 1967 Camaro. Internal emotional turmoil aside, You couldn’t stop yourself from giggling

“Are you going to stay there? Or are you going to pick up your jaw and hop in?” He simply cracked a smile. How could you forget? This classic didn’t exist back on his days!! Oh you’re in for a ride mister...

You drove in a comfortable silence until you reached your intended destination. You killed off the engine, quickly grabbing your bag and locking it up. But before either of you could set a foot inside, you popped the bubble

“This place... not many people know about. I’d like to keep it that way” You said turning to look at him

“Of course. My lips are sealed” He said with a nod.

“Good... because now I’m about to kick your ass” You sassed him with a smirk as you walked inside one of your favorite places...How could you have an 180 degree change in attitude in less than 2 seconds? It baffled him but at the same time it was like an invisible pull towards you..Then he walked in the room.

“Rosie!!!” A well built 6 feet tall, blue/greenish-eyed handsome man, approached you, tightly encircling his hands around your waist

“JAX!” You said returning the hug with the same intensity, your hands affectionately stroking his strong back

“How you been babe?” He sweetly pet called you while you playfully ruffled his raven black hair, his hands loosely grabbing your hips. Steve simply curiously stared at you

“Who’s your friend over here?” He asked letting you go

“This is my new work partner, Steve... Steve meet my trainer and good friend Jaxon Price aka Jax” They friendly shook hands

“And here I thought of myself as your best friend!”

“Don’t flatter yourself that much “J”.Truth be told there was always an undeniable chemistry between you. Multiple times you were mistaken as a couple due to your shameless flirting with each other since you were both single at the time. But despite your deep bond, neither of you dared to crossed over the line risking to ruin your years long friendship. It was just way too valuable for you both, willingly falling into the secure relationship of that of a brother and sister. “All set up?” You asked him

“Place it’s all yours milady...” He jokingly bowed to you with a megawatt smile on “I‘ll be up in my office if you need me, a pleasure meeting you Sir!” He said giving you a small peck on the cheek which you happily returned

“Likewise” An awfully quiet Steve said as you got ready putting your gym gloves on. 

“What?” You suddenly asked him as he continued sneakily eyeing you 

“Is he… are you two…” He stuttered the words out

“Are we together you mean?” Despite your inner struggle you couldn’t avoid softly chuckling at it 

“I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have…” A deep blush adorned his cheeks

So, any anger be damned…

“It’s ok...and no, we are not together like that. I won’t deny that there’s a story behind us but he’s just a really good friend” He simply nodded. Maybe you saw wrong but you could swear a glint of relief flashed on his eyes. “Now, without further ado...Get here!” You signed for him to approach you “Let’s blow off some steam. I'm sure we both need it, so Punch ‘em with all you got” You said each taking your respective place, he didn’t further questioned you as he too got to work

Any notion of time was thrown out of the window the second fists connected with target. There was nothing but the echo of strong hits, one after the other, kicks, clinging chains and your worked up breathing. You gave him the side eye catching a glimpse of awe in him before losing him to your own work out. An unspoken pent up frustration let out in the form of steamy sweat and sore muscles, you both inadvertently stole glances at each other’s face, noticing the non maskable whirlwind of thoughts seeping through the both of you. Awkward fell short to describe the moment. With a last blow and a huffed breath it was time to face the unavoidable.

“I opened up” You said after recovering your air and drinking some water

“Pardon me?” He didn’t seem to catch what you were saying, as he took as sip of his own water

“I opened up to you. A privilege that has only been granted to a few, something that I was in no way obliged to do, yet I did so. Only for it to blow up on my face when you lost your cool” His lips closed in a thin line, he perfectly knew what this was about

“You brought my dead father into the fold without knowing a single thing about it...I couldn’t handle that” You dryly said

“I didn’t mean to” He lowered his eyes in regret, you just nodded

“I know, but we still must settle this up like the adults we are...So, Come up here” He narrowed his eyes for a moment catching on what you were doing

“Are you sure about this?” You couldn’t blame his hesitation, he had never seen you in action after all

“Never been more sure” You said with strong confidence, easily convincing him to step on. He gracefully moved around, not daring to throw the first hit as you circled each other

“Don’t hold back Captain” You teased him “I believe there’s a lot to account for” You said with a sly smile

“Fair enough” He barely audibly said before launching the first punch that you successfully dodged, was he really doing what you were thinking? “Did you just hold back?” You bobbled your head back in fake indignation

“You’re right” He smirked

“Wrong move captain…” You cocked your head to the side. Now it was your turn to prove yourself… “You know, I’m not even mad about you flipping out. I mean, I get it. You woke up in a new world, that ain’t easy...” You said throwing a strong left, almost colliding with him “But you unconsciously forced me to disclose something that I wasn’t ready to discuss with you” You blocked his fist

“And I know that I don’t have any excuses” He said dodging you 

“You know you did wrong, but you can’t seem to clearly understand exactly what it is” You said successfully taking him off guard, connecting your right to his left side

“You’re strong, I have to give you that” He said rubbing his jaw “Are you enhanced too?” 

“Am I?” You raised your eyebrows refusing to give him a straight answer “Yesterday… do you remember what happened? Before I slapped you I mean…” He seemed to think for a moment

“I think I do…” It was now his turn to throw you off balance “I hurt you badly, didn’t I?” He intended to say but it came out more of a question

“Are you asking me?...” You took a deep breath bouncing from one feet to the other. Suddenly there was a shift on the energy, and rage you believed tamed was unleashed “STEVE!” You spat his name in a somewhat bitterly tone “When we met, you told me that you trusted me and that it was up to me to prove myself worthy of such...” You furiously hit him straight into his chest

“Yet, you turned the privileged information I told you against me” Fresh tears pricked your eyes. He made no movement to dodge your attacks, he was willingly taking every angry hit, literal and not, as he felt like the sole cause of your frustration 

“You didn’t just hurt me!!” Another powerful hit. Your deepest emotions poured into your pained-etched words, piercing him like daggers. For a second your own heart constricted in a tight knot too.

“You broke my trust” One last fiery hit…. You huffed hanging your head low, wiping the stray tears with the back on your gloved hands. And for a moment you both stopped. An indescribable flicker of emotion through his eyes “You betrayed me” The words echoing on the walls as you let its weigh fall upon his shoulders. It was not your intention to add more burdens to his already heavy load, but this pain, this affliction it was needed for him to crack the shell by himself.

Loss of words. For what seemed to be the upteenth time, any sign of language skills abandoned his brain, but his body spoke for him about the intense guilt and sorrow he felt. He immediately understood how no matter what he said it wouldn’t be enough.

“Cat got your tongue?” You seeked to ease up the lingering tension with a barely there lopsided smile while resuming your assault “Look, I don’t intend to trash you… because you were somewhat influenced but I did try to warn you...”

”Is something wrong with me?” Worry etched on his eyes bending down to evade your hit

“What you saw… what you think you saw… it was a way your brain was dealing with the events you went through in the past. That’s why you unconsciously held me in such a strong grip thinking that I was someone else… That’s all linked together and It has always existed even back on your days, you just didn’t know how to call it…” You carefully said finally connecting your right leg with his side making him slightly huff. You could see the concern reflecting on his eyes “I mentioned this before...we can work on that if you so wish to do so.”

“Even if a medical rational explanation can be given for my actions, I was still extremely ungentlemanlike and disrespectful and no reason can ever be valid enough to excuse my behavior nor to condone having me physically abuse you…”

“I appreciate your sincere apology Steve but I wouldn’t go as far as calling it abuse, I was left unharmed as you can see” You waved your wrists as if to prove your point, while quickly scanning him over and soaking up his movements pattern

“I will never forgive myself for laying a hand on you, agent or not, mentally unstable or not, you’re still a dame and you shouldn’t have had to be exposed to that”

“Exposed you say? Oh captain you really have no idea to what I’m exposed to… besides I can defend myself pretty well”

“I think that I got that part clear” He mockingly touched his jaw remembering the strong hits you gave him

“I’m sorry about that… you were not thinking straight, I had to make you react, it was really bitchy move on my end but it had to be done. It was either that or to knock you out and I don’t think that would have helped us to keep our cover well” He nodded 

“Well, I guess that in that case I should thank you?” He said with a playful smile

“Oh, you definitely owe me big time… I know that I shouldn’t have left you like I did but you’re not the only one adapting to be back here...I needed time for myself too. But you know what? that’s not even what really concerns me”

“I'm not following...? What could be possibly worse than hurting a dame over an optical illusion?” He asked as his moves became more precise and accurate

“Repercussions” You seriously said

“What are you talking about?” He asked stopping dead on his tracks for a second grabbing your right fist on his open right palm while pushing you away with his left hand, making you catch your breath

“That one was good Cap…” You let out a breathy laugh “You really want to know what’s wrong?” Your look almost challenging him

“I do” His deep firm voice resounding on your ears

“Ok. But I promise you that you will not like what I’ve got to say…” He nodded “You have never had to face the public consequences of your actions as Captain” You spat out remarking the word public, causing further confusion to etch on his face.

“Why would you say such a thing?” Clear indignation radiating from him. Was that even the right way to introduce your hypothesis to him? How else were you supposed to establish the fact that he was facing an issue bigger than his own PTSD? That this was just a part of the problem? This definitely owed to be good...

“Your military record is clean Rogers. Don’t get me wrong, I know you were a war hero, and that kinda surpasses any pre-existing law, at least according to Colonel Phillips’ perception, doesn’t it?” You hit a nerve, and if his steely expression wasn’t proof enough, then his rage-filled punch to your side that made you fall to your knee, definitely was...

“What Do you mean?” He seemed taken aback by your words 

“They gave you a medal for your heroic actions. Yet, Didn’t you Embarrassed a US senator in front of a room full of reporters? C’mon! They’d never stain America’s hero’s reputation over that. He congratulated you for it” You said with a poker face

“Wait” Realization dawned on him “How would you know about that in the first place? That was mentioned on a private conversation” He asked distracted enough for you to kick his knee and to straddle him down, choking him.

“Oh captain, there’s never such a thing as private in association with SHIELD... You worked with its founders after all. Besides, for what the world concerns it was an official mission, just that it wasn’t the case, was it? Back then it was acceptable because the end justifies the means, right?” He looked into your eyes before swiftly flipping you on your back, pinning your hands above your ahead

“You’re making this sound wrong in many ways, when it wasn’t” He said without breaking his gaze “The circumstances behind it were- -“ you cut him off

“Out of the ordinary…I know” You completed the sentence “I’m just pointing out the truth. Nobody likes to hear it. There’s no justification for not facing the consequences of our wrongdoings, no matter what. You must own up to it…” You said in between heavy breaths and with your heart pounding on your chest

“I’d never argue you that. But my past and my present are a world apart. If you’re trying to prove a point… I understand. I’m deeply sorry, nothing I say will erase what happened- - not yesterday, not any time before or after that” He sighed--- regret, sorrow, pain… all peeking through his cerulean orbs still locked on your own, his lips so freakin close to yours...

“I’m not holding you accountable for it. There’s more to this world than you know, I don’t expect you to learn it all in one day” You managed to say, softly biting your lower lip “My point is that every past action carries a consequence into our future.”

“And I’m not running away from it. Yesterday was… unexpected. On my defense everything happened in a split second and you were right. There’s no easy way for me to settle back in” His chest rising, his eyes lowering on your lips

“Hmm… did you just say I am right?” You asked him with a smirk, he simply gave you an amused look “More than your actions, your words took me by surprise. You surpassed my walls with ease and in return you got more than what you bargained for” Still pinned under him, unable to move as if hypnotized by him as red tainted your cheeks

“I never meant to hurt you” His warm breath fanning over your ear, sending shivers down your spine 

“The thing is the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I’m only human Captain. Out of everyone else out there I am the one that choose to help you because I wanted to, not because someone ordered me to. It wasn’t out of convenience or pity, I wasn’t and still am not getting anything back.” You said using your legs to finally get out of his hold, pulling back his arm. You let go and stand up, now both of you just recovering your air while nervously facing each other

“And I’m thankful for it” He managed to say after, not so subtly, clear up his throat

“The thing is that people will get hurt Steven. I won’t be the first nor the last one to get hurt by your actions. Please, never forget that even heroes can be wrong. No matter if there are any valid circumstances in between or not. There's too much gray in between no matter how much you want to believe that there’s only black and white, I know it. I’ve crossed that line and one day you will do so as well, you won’t like it. You’re just too self-righteous to see it yet and I’m afraid that it’ll come the time when you'll have to pay the price for it.” You stated with a sigh followed by his own, both of you sitting down on the bench next to the mat

“The price it’s always high and we have no choice but to pay it. It’s a sacrifice that we must be willing to pay” You nodded

“You know, the past sets a precedent of what is to come. Who you were there will determine who you are here. How I dealt with mine, it was utter chaos... I spiraled out of control and created havoc, I paid a too high of a price. As a result I earned respect along with fear, but I don't wish that for you” All of your sincerity and care poured down on your cracked voice and determined eyes as you looked straight into his own deep ocean blue ones “What happened there is tied to your past, it won’t be easy nor fast but help is available. Only if you wish so, that is. I don’t have to be here if you don’t feel comfortable with me. This is your call”

“What are you talking about?” 

“I’ve told you this from the beginning…you have a choice. We’re all entitled to our own perception of those around us. Maybe I got us wrong all along and this alleged connection between us it’s just a product of my imagination, if that’s the case…” You swallowed the small lump on your throat “...If I’m the wrong variable on this equation then take me out…” His intense look on you, arms rested on his legs “If this makes me a look like a weak coward in front of your eyes then so be it but I told you that I won’t keep up the charade of the hard-hearted agent that they think I am, at least never in front of you” 

“I’m really sorry I really hate to do this to you but I have to be selfish for my own sanity. I must protect myself this time around…I--I can walk out those doors and I promise you that you will never see me or hear about me ever again. You’d still have someone to show you around and to help you settle down on your own. They might not be as invested as I am and they might not hold all the answers the way I do, but they will be there.” His face stoical and expressionless but with eyes wide as saucers

“All of this to tell me that you- - that you are leaving me?” Your brain was fuzzy with confusion, was that a hint of pain you heard on his voice? It couldn’t be, could it?

“that or… I stay but if I do then you let me lead the way. You’ll fully give me the benefit of the doubt and actually trust me. So, tell me Steve. What it’s gonna be? Do you want me to leave? Or Do you want me to stay? It’s your choice”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you for reading! I’m sorry if the gym fight scene wasn’t as accurate or good enough as intended, I figured that isn’t my strong. 
> 
> Now, if any of you were confused about Steve and Rose’s bickering at the gym: she’s mostly expressing her concern over his attitude towards the world, despite their few interactions she was able to see how deep his old views were attached to him and how those could interfere with his settlement. She tries to advise him how getting help now could make the difference against her own experience on the past without it (this will be further explain in detail in future chapters) Once again reminding him that he’s his own persona and that he does have a choice.
> 
> With that said, what do you think is Steve going to say? All feedback is more than welcome! Once again, thank you for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Feel free to follow me on Tumblr at https://www.tumblr.com/blog/angrybirdcr


End file.
